Title The Manipulated Man
Author Esther Vilar
Year Published 1971
Kind of Book Sociology, Gender, Feminism
How strongly I recommend it 3/10
My Impressions Provocatively written. Lacking in nuance and hard to read at times. It's difficult to tell whether the author is genuine in everything she is saying or just being polemical to stir the reader's emotions. Either way, I found it very sloppily argued. The reason for 3 rather than a 0 stars is that I found it interesting psychologically that a woman could think so poorly of her own gender.
Date Read March 2020
What question is the author trying to answer?
What strategies and tactics have women used over the years to manipulate men into achieving their own selfish aims?
"Since men are strong, intelligent and imaginative, while women are weak, unimaginative and stupid, why isn't it men who exploit women?"
"How do women manage it so that their victims [men] do not feel themselves cheated and humiliated, but rather feel themselves to be…masters of the universe?"
Practical Takeaways
Men should use their intelligence and imagination for its own pursuit instead of wasting it trying to please women.
Men should live for themselves.
Big Ideas
Women manipulate men to do all the work for them
Women use men to think for them
Women exploit men for their imagination (ie. Ingenuity)
Women will use men to meet their own selfish goals whenever there is an opportunity
It appears that men run the world
But
The world is run by women (who manipulate men)
Women rarely financially provide for themselves, their husband, or their children
Wedding rings are used as a way of showing other women that a man is already in possession of another woman
Men only notice women's external appearance
Men do not work for pleasure
Men work because they desire change
Men only work because women have manipulated them into working
Men want to be enslaved
Because
Only when men are enslaved do they feel safe
There is no primary difference in intelligence between the sexes
Most women let their mental capacity disintegrate by not using it
Because
Women don't want to use their minds if they can get a man to think for them
Women trade access to their vaginas for the work of a man (ie. He husband's money and resources)
Mindless housework probably makes most women happy
Because
Mindless housework (eg. cooking, cleaning) are at most women's mental level
Men assume that women would rather be doing the work they do instead of mindless housework
But
Women prefer doing mindless housework to doing the work men do
Women have no desire for knowledge
When house wives have free time they don't pursue intellectual activities like politics, history, or science
Women have never contributed to major breakthroughs in Science
Women are only capable of copying great art, not creating great art
[in 1971] Woman have been given every opportunity of achieving freedom and…choose not to unshackle themselves.
Men both love AND despise women
Because
Men are resentful towards the people who he has to work to support (if they are not also working to support themselves)
Men want to help liberate women
Because
Men feel ashamed of the fact that women are mentally undeveloped
Women have no ambition
Women have no need to prove themselves in the world
Because
SP: Men select women based on looks alone
When given a choice between independence and being a man's pampered parasite, most women choose the latter
Women care more about how other women judge them than how men judge them
Women mostly dress for other women (only slightly do they consider men when the dress)
Women only feel strong emotions for a man when he threatens to leave her and her livelihood is at stake
"[if a woman] feels deeply about a man she will never show her emotions in public." Pg.28
Women don't show their emotions in public if they have strong feelings for a man
Women criticize other women around men to lower their value
Men and women have little (if anything) in common
The only thing that keeps women with her husband/partner is money (or the promise of money in the future)
Women want a life without work or responsibility (ie. To remain as children for as long as possible)
Women want to have children with their husbands
Because
Women use children as hostages to keep their husbands from leaving them for younger women after they have aged and are no longer sexually desirable
Most men would gladly exchange their old wives for younger wives if they could
Given the choice a man will always choose a younger woman over an older woman
If a woman has a choice between a rich older man and rich younger man she will choose the younger man
Because
A young man will live longer ie. Be able to provide for her longer
However
Women will choose a rich older man over a poor younger man
Men are not aware of their own beauty
The aesthetic beauty of men is hardly ever talked about except through the lens of strength
Men's curiosity is different than women's
Women are only curious about a subject when it has personal significance and might be used to serve her own end
Whereas
Men can be curious about things that don't have any personal significance (eg. Science/astronomy)
Women will only learn about a subject (that isn't used to serve her own ends) if the man she is courting is interested in it or works in it
Men's desire for knowledge has no personal implications, is purely objective
Men are curious about all subjects (even one's outside of their field or that have no personal significance)
All inventions and discoveries have always been made by men
In our society, if a man gets married, starts a family and spends the rest of his life working a soul-destroying job he hates, he is held up as an example of virtue and responsibility
Whereas
In our society, if a man stays single, works only for himself, does things he enjoys to do simply because he enjoys it, and treats women as equals who can provide for themselves, he is rejected by society
Women have nothing else to offer men besides their vagina
Women's conversation is dull and boring
Women are stupid
Because
Women don't have to be smart to attract men
Men long for someone to tell them what to do like when they were children
Because
Men want to feel secure
Therefore
Men willingly enslave themselves to a deity
Women are a kind of deity for men
Men are conditioned to judge their own value on women's evaluation of their usefulness
Women positively reinforce boys throughout their lives with praise for accomplishments
Boys form an addiction to praise from women from a young age
Because men are always trying to win the attention of women they are in a constant state of antagonistic competition with each other
Even when Men get rid of their addiction for women's approval they can't get rid of their addiction for approval generally
Typically after a man has been successful in a field he will stick to it and not risk being an amateur in another field
Because
It is not enough for most men to be the measure of their own success (they want women's approval over their own)
Men need self confidence to thrive in the world
Men only receive self confidence from receiving praise from women
Rich people can afford to be stupid because no one cares if they're stupid
Women can afford to be stupid because no one cares if they're stupid
The male sense of honor was invented by women
Women exempt themselves from the idea of honor
In our society little girls are never taught to control their tears/emotions
But
In our society little boys are taught to control their tears/emotions
Little girls quickly learn their tears to their advantage ie. To manipulate
Women are unfeeling
Women feign emotion to manipulate/win sympathy from men
When women are crying they are usually faking it to manipulate men and are actually thinking cold clear thoughts
The need for sex is the prime reason men enslave themselves to women
Mother's teach their daughters to suppress their sexual urges in order to earn capital (ie. Men's favors) for her sexual favors
If a man doesn't have money or appear that he might obtain money in the future, women will not date/marry/have sex with him
The more attractive the woman the more expensive she is to keep happy
It would be more economical for a man to satisfy his sexual needs with a prostitute instead of getting married
Men value sex with women who 'cost more' (ie. Attractive women) than women who cost less (ie. Prostitutes and unattractive women)
Women don't get jealous if their husbands go to prostitutes (though they may feign jealousy)
Unless she is worried about him developing an emotional attachment and possibly leaving her (ie. Shifting his money/resources to the prostitute instead of to her and her children)
The reason wives are in favor of wife-swapping sex parties is that they release the sexual desires of men without risking losing their provider
Women despise prostitutes for stupid of not using their sex for a better reward (ie. A husband/provider)
Only men with reduced sexual potency can afford to live like a hippie and only have sex occasionally
Most men require a relationship to get regular sex
Men with strong sexual needs must be more obedient to women
A man is an eternal slave to his penis
The male erection is grotesque to a woman
Women pretend like they're envious of men so that men believe they have the power
Birth control has put power in women's hands
Because
Since Birth control has come on the scene women can have sex as much as possible when it suits her need and select when not to take when she wants to select a (rich) father
Women purposefully 'forget' to take their birth control when having sex with a man they want to make their provider (for her and her children)
Women don't care if their prospective husband is good in bed
Women only care that their prospective husband is fertile and can give her children
All institutions have become tools in the hands of women
The idea of heaven benefits women because it makes men stay faithful to their wives
Women play along with the rituals and ideas of a church but really they do not care much about it
If a man of another faith wants to marry a woman and demands her conversion in exchange for his own promise to work for her, no woman would hesitate for a moment
It is in women's interest for men to have a love of Truth, so that they can afford the luxury of deception
Women can lie with a clear conscience
Men will forgive any lies from women except for physical unfaithfulness
The only time men are likely to lie is if they cheat on their wife.
Other than that they would rather have a clean conscience than lie
Women strategically let men know that there are many men pursuing her so that they step up their game
The lyrics to Modern Pop songs almost identically resemble worship songs, but with God replaced by the woman
Man's love for God has been replaced by Man's love of woman (in the modern age)
Women are men's new dieties
Woman's love songs about men are mostly covers of songs originally written by men about women
The intelligence gap between women and men is growing
Women are getting dumber
Men are getting smarter
In modern times, women's image is created by men, through advertising
Women are the prominent buyers in society
Men are the prominent sellers in society
Therefore
Men must flatter women in order to make her spend money
Only homosexuals, artists and young men who don't have money sport the latest clothes
Because
Once a man has money he doesn't need to worry about dressing well to attract a woman
Most adult men live in a permanent state of hell
Both men and women want children, not just women
Women use children to justify their laziness, stupidity, and lack of responsibility
The world is full of half-starved orphans who would gladly be adopted
Yet
Most couples want to sire their own children
If man had more than one woman (ie God) he would be in a constant state of insecurity and freedom which he is trying to escape
Men justify the fact that they are providing for their wives long after they want to have sex with them by the fact that they are providing for their children
Women only care for their own children, never those of others
Most women will only adopt a child as a last resort (if they have tried and failed every other way of having a child)
Women exaggerate how unpleasant childbirth is in order to gain sympathy and make her husband indebted to her for her 'sacrifice'
Childbirth is no worse than a prolonged session at the dentist
Woman don't care about looking attractive during or after pregnancy
Because
Once they are the mothers of a man's child, a woman knows he will not leave her
Pregnancy is commonly thought of as the wife sacrificing for the husband "she presented him with a child
but
Women have children for their own benefit
Women hate playing with children
Men love to play with kids and their toys
Women need 2-3 kids in order to make not working seem legitimate and to give them marital security (that their husband won't leave)
Children provide women the benefit of taking care of her in her old age
Mathematics and chemistry are too intellectually demanding for women
Women are trained not to utter any original thoughts after the age of 5
Women's stupidity is not innate but developed
Women will change their identity to be whatever they think their husband/prospective husband wants. From vegetarian to cattle rancher, from atheist to theist
Politics only interest a woman if she can see how the issues directly relate to her
Woman use cosmetics, make ups, face creams to distinguish themselves from men
All men are ugly in a woman's eyes
Women choose their partner/husband purely based on income and the standard of living he may be able to offer her
The only truly important act in any woman's life is the selection of the right partner. In any other choice she can afford to make a mistake
Most Women only join the workforce in order to find a good husband/provider
Once a woman has gotten married she will promptly retire from her career
Female doctors, lawyers, sociologists etc. are happy to sacrifice their careers for raising a family
Beautiful women are less likely to develop their intellectual gifts
Intelligence is developed only through competition
Very successful men usually have abysmally stupid wives
The reasons why a woman will still work after they're 25 years old
Her husband doesn't make enough money to afford her luxurious lifestyle
She is ugly
She cannot have children
She is emancipated
She renounces husband and children for intellectual reasons *rare
The woman who gives up getting married and having children for intellectual reasons is rare
Even if the woman is a breadwinner in the family, she will never help her husband with her money
In American TV shows the man is always portrayed as a fool and the mother the star
All women need to do to get a husband is look good and refuse to sleep with the guy she is courting too soon
Men are more likely to hire men for jobs
because
Male employers are aware that many women will quit their job as soon as they become mothers
Most Women are incapable of living without an man.
The more a man tries to integrate his life with his female partner, the more demanding she will become
The more a man desires her, the less she will find him desirable
When women say 'I need a man to make me feel secure' what they are really saying is 'I want him to keep his money worries to himself
Wives do not like to hear about their husband's financial worries
The fate of a woman's lot in life is mostly determined by her attractiveness
A man's strength, intelligence, and imagination often doesn't give him power, but only qualifies him more to be a woman's provider (and thus a slave)
Husbands are slaves to their wives (and wife's children)