Title The Game
Author Neil Strauss
Year Published 2005
Kind of Book Memoir/Self-help/Masculinity
How strongly I recommend it 10/10
My Impressions
The first time I read this book I was 24. I remember thinking it was so cool and exciting that men are able to learn tactics to attract women. There was hope for (un)naturals like me! I (like millions of other young men who read it) set out to try the techniques for myself. The second time I read the book I was 32. I was stunned when halfway through the second reading it occurred to me—'this book is a cautionary tale.' Strauss learned that the manipulative way of seducing women he was using created a gap between himself and the women he was courting. Mystery winds up in a mental hospital—suicidal—feeling that his life has no meaning. It seems odd to me now that this book sparked a revolution and encouraged millions of young men to learn pick-up. It seems we all missed the cautionary aspect of it. It is like a young guy reading the book "Pimp" by Iceburg Slim and then wanting to become a Pimp— Not realizing that the story is a cautionary tale and that Iceburg Slim explicitly says at the end that it is a terrible lifestyle and he regrets it and suffered heavily for it. I guess this shows the desperation of young men to have sex, but mostly to get approval from women and other men ("Sex wasn't about getting our rocks off. It was about being accepted."). Never the less, this is an excellent read. A well written and honest memoir and interesting glimpse into female AND male psychology, seduction, and manipulation. A must read for men and women alike.
Date Read: 2014 & 2022
Practical Takeaways
Ignore the woman you desire while winning over her friends and the men in the group
Have a specialized look. Don't look generic
Smile when you walk into a room
Wear a conversation piece
Shave your head if you are balding
Never approach a woman from behind
Approach at an angle not a direct line
Punish a girl for ignoring you. Say "I'm gonna leave you two alone"
(Ross Jefferies approach anxiety warm-up) walk up to a stranger and say, "Hi I'm Manny the Martian. What's your favorite flavor of bowling ball?"
Be incongruent with your material and really believe it or be a great actor
Be willing to risk losing her
Quote other people in conversation -Ross Jefferies
Be cocky-funny -David D'Angelo
Stare deeply into a woman's right eye with your right eye and breathe together (you will bond deeply) -Rasputin
Dress in a way that repels the women you aren't interested in and attracts the type of women you do want
Don't ask question. Make open ended statements that make them ask questions
Treat a woman's attention like a fire. Ignore the target. When she is starting to get close to auto-rejecting or leaving, fan the flame and give her attention
Don't introduce yourself on a pick-up. Wait for her to ask or introduce herself (ioi)
Don't buy women you haven't slept with drinks, food, or gifts
(for 10s) Imagine her as the nerdy middle school dork she probably was
(for 10s) neg hard
(Mindset) stop feeling like you’re lucky to have a girl sucking your dick. Think that she is the lucky one to be able to suck from the nectar of the master -Brad P
(3somes) the experience has to be about your girlfriends pleasure. Make sure she is comfortable the whole time
Don’t amog your wing
Go for the best girls. Not the most girls
Leave her better than you found her-Ross Jefferies
“Give her the gift of missing you.”-Rick H.
Use the word "energy" when talking to women (especially ones from LA)
If a woman says something overly sexual to you, look her in the eye and say "respect"
Big Ideas
5 Characteristics of an alpha male
1)smile
2)Confidence
3)Well groomed
4)Possessing a sense of humor
5)Connecting with people
6)Being seen as the social center
Everyone's favorite subject of conversation is himself
Balding is not a choice
but
Deciding to shave your head is a choice
Women are generally more perceptive than men
Women are generally better at spotting insincerity and bullshit than men
It is easier to attract women when your style is specialized rather than being general
If a man is worried about what the woman thinks of him while trying to seduce her he is going to fail
Pick-up creates a relationship where men just see women as instruments to measure their success
When thinking about an interaction in terms of Game, intimacy is seen as part of a checklist to get in her pants
When a man thinks of women as objects (eg. Blonde 7) he creates a gap between him and them from allowing real intimacy to happen
But
When a man think of women as objects (eg. Blonde 7) he has more success attracting them
Pick-up often bonds men together
but
Pick up often alienates men from women
There is nothing more bonding between two men than successfully picking up girls together
A pick-up mindset causes a man to think of every part of an interaction as a box to check (even something as seemingly intimate as talking about a woman's dreams and point of view)
Physical Strength used to be what helped our male ancestors reproduce
However
Physical strength doesn't help men get ahead in society today
Modern women have sex with men who are able to trigger the fantasy parts of her brain
The smarter a girl is the better game/canned routines work on her
Alcohol has never caused someone to do something they didn’t want to
Alcohol only enables people to do what they’ve always wanted but repressed
To get a woman you have to be able to risk losing her -Mystery
Most men make the mistake of believing that an attractive woman who doesn’t talk to or acknowledge him is a bitch.
However
Most of the time attractive women are just as shy or insecure as less attractive women
We don't appreciate things that fall into our laps
Therefore
The universe doesn't make the things we want fall right into our laps
The universe places things we want near us
We have to go out and get the things we want
Any idea is more palatable if it comes from someone else.-Ross Jefferies
Because
The unconscious mind thinks in terms of content and structure
When someone prefaces a statement with "___was telling me___" the person will be less critical of the statement than if you claim it as your own thought
The word 'energy' is the equivalent to chocolate to women in southern California
Attraction isn't a choice
Most pick-up artists try to get laid to be accepted by other men (not because of merely wanting the hedonistic pleasure of sex)
Stand-up comedians start to become jaded and lose respect for audiences/people after they have used the same joke to get the same laugh from hundreds of audiences
Similarly
Pick-up artists start to become jaded and lose respect for women after they have successfully used the same lines to seduce dozens of women
Many pick-up artists derive their self-esteem from having women have sex with them
In a seduction a girl can fall out of love with a guy just as quickly as she falls in love with him
The more time a man devotes to the game the better he gets.
And
the better a man gets at the game the more addictive it becomes
Everyone who gets too absorbed in the game gets depressed -Papa
Many pick-up artists fear getting rejected in front of men more than they fear the rejection of the woman
Every aspect of life pertains to pickup (politics, religion etc.)
The less a man appears like he is trying with a woman the more successful he is at seducing her
Therefore
Often when a guy looks and feels like shit he does really well with women
The men who lead other men also lead women
Because
SP: Women are attracted to leaders of men
Women will sometimes say something very sexual to a man to test how he responds
How a person comes off in the world is not instructive as to what the person is like in bed
Learning game/pickup can turn men into misogynists
Because
Men who get good at game start to not trust women
Because
Men who get good at game start to see how often women lie, cheat on their boyfriends/husbands etc.
It is often easier to sleep with a woman who has been married than it is to sleep with a single woman
It is easier for a man to sleep with a girl with a boyfriend the same night he meets her than it is for him to get her to return his phone call another day
Women lie/cheat just as much as men
However
Women are much better at hiding their lying/cheating than men
Pick-up artists don't hate women
Pick-up artists fear women
Because
Pick-up artist derive their self-esteem from getting women's attention
There’s no such thing as cheap sex
Because
Sex always comes with a price.
A man never chooses the woman
All men can do is give a woman the opportunity to choose him
Surprising Facts
Unknown Terms
Neg: "Neither compliment nor insult a neg is something inbetween. An accidental insult or backhanded compliment. The purpose of a neg is to lower a woman's self-esteem while actively displaying a lack of interest in her."
Opener: a prepared script used to start a conversation with a group of strangers
Doggy dinner bowl look: when a woman's eyes glaze over, her pupils dilate, and she watches the man entranced and attracted
Proximity alert system: When women stand near a man, but facing away from him. Especially when there is no real reason for them to be hanging out in that particular spot (IOI)…they want to be opened
Bitch Shield: a protective mechanism women use to keep certain men at bay in which they act bitchy
Triangular gazing: starting suggestively between a woman’s eyes and lips to create sexual tension.
Quotes
“To get a woman you have to be able to risk losing her.”-Mystery
“Any idea is more palatable if it comes from someone else.”-Ross Jefferies
"Attraction isn't a choice."-David D'Angelo
“Lead the men and you lead the women.”
"All the things you learned from the PUAs almost made us not come together' Lisa continued. 'I want you to just be Neil. Balding, glasses, and all." Perhaps she was right. Maybe she would have just liked the real me, but she never would have had the opportunity to meet him if I hadn't spent the last two years learning how to put my best foot forward. Without all that training I never would have had the confidence to talk to and handle a girl like Lisa who is a constant challenge. I needed Mystery, Ross Jefferies, David D'Angelo, Jugular, Steve P., Rasputin, and all those other pseudonyms. I needed them to discover what was me to begin with and now that I had found that person, brought him out of his shell, and learned to accept him, perhaps I had outgrown them."