Title The Five Love Languages

Author Gary Chapman

Year Published 1992

Kind of Book Relationships/Communication

How strongly I recommend it 6/10 

My Impressions This book contains one very powerful idea—different people receive and communicate love differently. There are 5 main ways. The key to a fulfilling relationship is to identify your partner's love language and then to "speak it" to him or her. The reason for the low rating was that I thought the ideas could have been summed up in a blog post or short essay. There was no reason to stretch it out into a whole book. Lots of filler. I realize that that is more of a problem with publishers and the book industry than with the author. Everything must be at least 100pgs nowadays so that it can be sold at a price that allows for profit (even if the book only needs to be 20pages), but I digress…

Date Read circa 2016

Practical Takeaways

  • Identify your spouse's Love Language

  • Give the other person encouraging words

  • Ask your partner what his/her love language is

  • Thank your mate for something they do routinely and wouldn't expect to be complimented for

  • Compliment your spouse in the presence of their parents or friends

  • Maintain eye contact while your spouse it talking

  • Don't multi-task when talking to your spouse

  • Observe body language of the person you're talking to

  • Refuse to interrupt

  • Share photos of your day to your spouse to make them feel like they're there with you

  • Make time every day to share with each other some of the events of the day

  • Give your spouse a gift you found in nature (eg. Flower, feather, leaf)

  • Make a handmade gift for your spouse

  • Keep a gift idea notebook (every time you hear someone say I'd like that, write it down)

  • Ask your spouse's friend or family member to help you pick out a gift

  • Ask your spouse to make a list of 10 things they'd like for you to do during the next month

  • Care for someone your spouse loves (pet, older relative)

  • Hold your partner as they cry

  • Hold your spouses hand when you're walking somewhere together

  • When visiting friends or family, touch your spouse in their presence (a hug, putting your arm around her, putting hand on her shoulder)

  • Send your spouse a hand-written letter w/ a physical photo instead of an email or text

  • Ask yourself "What do you most desire from your spouse that makes you feel loved above all else?"

  • Notice the main way you express love to others. That is likely your primary love language

  • Notice what you complain about not getting enough of from your spouse. (That is likely your primary love language)

  • Fill your spouse's tank with love by giving them love via their love language

  • Chose to love your partner

  • Ask how you can be a better spouse. Act on what he/she tells you

  • Acknowledge and praise your spouse for doing something you like or speaking your love language to you

  • Make reminders for yourself to speak your spouses love language

  • Try out different love languages if your partner is not responding to what you think their primary love language is

 

Big Ideas

  • We all have different ways of giving and receiving love

  • We have one primary love language that does not change throughout our life

  • More men have physical touch and words of affirmation as their love language

  • More women have Quality Time and Receiving Gifts as their love language

 

5 Love Languages

  1. Physical Touch

  2. Words of Affirmation

  3. Quality Time

  4. Acts of Service

  5. Receiving gifts