Title Spy the Lie

Author Philip Houston, Michael Floyd, and Susan Carnicero

Year Published 2012

Kind of Book Psychology/Communication

How strongly I recommend it 7/10 

My Impressions This book does what it promises. You will walk away with a better idea of when someone is lying. The authors go through several famous transcripts of liars (including OJ Simpson and Bill Clinton)

Date Read August 2022

What question is the author trying to answer?

Practical Takeaways

  • Look and listen to the person simultaneously

  • Only track behaviors that occur within 5 seconds of the stimulus

  • If there is only one deceptive behavior in response to a stimulus, ignore it

  • Don't have person being questioned sit in chair with a back and arm rests

  • Don't ask the suspect questions they are expecting (and therefore have had time to come up with responses to)

  • Ask the suspect a bait question (eg. "Is there any reason ….that one of your friends would say that you're on dating apps?")

  • Don't over-use bait questions

  • Ask the suspect presumptive questions

  • Don't over-use presumptive questions

  • Don't try to bluff that you know the person is lying if you don't

  • Keep your questions short *it will give the person less time to whip up a lie if they're lying

  • Keep the wording of your questions simple

  • Ask for clarification if the suspect says something you're unclear about

  • At the end of an interrogation ask the suspect a catch-all question eg. "What else?" or "What haven't I asked you that you think I should know about?"

  • Don't ask a negative question to an answer the suspect would like to give a 'no' to (eg. You don't know Shelly's password, do you?)

  • Don't ask a compound question ie. A question that contains multiple questions eg.

  • Start a question with "Is it possible that…(thing you suspect them of)?"

 

Deceptive Indicators

  • Failing to understand a simple question

  • Failing to answer the question

  • Responding with something other than yes or no  to a 'yes' or 'no' question (eg. 'I didn't do it')

  • Repeating the question

  • Giving a non-answer to the question (eg. 'I knew you were going to ask me that')

  • Attacking the questioner (eg. 'I can't believe you would ask me that' or 'Why do you always pick on me?')

  • Response doesn't directly relate to the question asked

  • Overly specific answers

  • Inappropriately polite after a question (eg. 'yes sir' or 'that's a nice tie by the way')

  • Says something to suggest that you/everyone is too worried about what they're being questioned on (eg. 'why is everyone freaking out about this?' or making a joke about it.)

  • Refers to the fact that they have already answered the question (rather than answering it again  eg. "you already asked me that" "As I told the last guy…")

  • Protesting TOO MUCH

  • Response invokes religion (eg. "I swear to God…" "I swear on the Bible…")

  • Saying they don't remember (eg. "As far as I know…" "Not that I recall…")

  • Person prefaces their response with a qualifying word (eg. "Basically…" "Frankly…" "To tell you the truth…" "To be perfectly honest…")

  • Implies an answer without giving a direct answer (eg. "I would never do that" "I'm not that kind of person"

  • Person uses convincing statements (eg. "I've been married for 10 years. Why would I want to throw away everything?"

  • Person's facial expression doesn't match what they're saying (eg. Smile while saying they didn't kill someone)

  • Longer than usual pause after a question

  • Discrepancy between what person says and what they do nonverbally (eg. Saying yes while shaking head no) *only applies to a person's narrative response. Not to a simple yes or no question

  • Hides mouth while answering (behind hand or arm)

  • Shielding eyes with hand while answering (or closing eyes)

  • Clearing throat before answering

  • Biting/Licking lips (pacifying behavior)

  • Touching face (pacifying behavior)

  • Shifting anchor point after stimulus (eg. Feet when standing. Butt when sitting)

  • Grooming themselves/adjusting clothes (eg. Adjusting tie, fixing hair)

NOT Necessarily Deceptive Indicators (that many people think are)

  • Breaking eye contact

  • Sweating

  • Answering the question before the questioner has finished asking it

  • Blushing

  • Twitching

  • Closed posture

  • Clenched hands

Protocol/Questions to Ask When Hiring a Caregiver for Children

  • Why did you become a caregiver for children?

  • How long have you worked as a caregiver?

  • What ages have you cared for?

  • What age children have you enjoyed caring for the most? Why?

  • What ages have you felt or would you feel uncomfortable caring for? Why?

  • Have you cared for both genders?

  • Is there any reason that your name would appear on any sex offender registry?

  • What do you find most rewarding about being a caregiver?

  • What do you like least about being a caregiver?

  • Tell me about the most difficult child (infant) you have ever cared for.

  • What is the biggest challenge you have faced in caring for a child (infant)?

  • How long should an infant cry before you check on it?

  • How long should you let an infant cry before you pick it up?

  • What is your philosophy for disciplining children?

  • What is the harshest discipline you have ever handed out as a caregiver?

  • What is the most significant emergency situation you have handled as a caregiver?

  • What first-aid or emergency training have you had?

  • What was the most difficult family you have ever had to work with?

  • What aspects of being a caregiver do you find frustrating?

  • What do children do that might cause you to lose your temper?

  • When is the last time you recall losing your temper, or coming close, when caring for a child?

  • What type of child do you find is the most difficult to care for?

  • What is the worst experience you've had when you were responsible for a child?

  • What will your references say is your biggest strength as a caregiver?

  • What will your references say is your biggest weakness as a caregiver?

  • Under what circumstances would you give in to a child's wishes or demands about something that the parents have expressly forbidden?

  • Is there any reason that any of your references will have any hesitation in recommending you as a caregiver?

  • What haven't I asked you that you think I should know about?

  • Listen to your instincts as you watch how the caregiver engages with your child

  • Plan an in-depth interview with the applicant (with you and your spouse)

  • Get a background check which includes criminal history

  • Get 2 references along with 1 reference not provided by the applicant

Protocol/Questions to Ask Your Child About Using Drugs or Alcohol

  • Ask questions in a low-key, non-accusatory manner

  • Refrain from reacting or being judgmental when child answers

  • Don't question your child at a time you suspect he/she is under the influence of drugs or alcohol

  • Refrain from immediately drilling down on any admissions they make

  • What types of drugs seem popular?

  • What kinds of drugs have you been offered?

  • What kinds of drugs have you actually seen?

  • What kinds of drugs have you experimented with?

  • What kinds of drugs have you been most tempted to try?

  • What kinds of drugs have you seen your friends taking?

  • What is the drug situation like at school?

  • Is there any reason any of your friends would tell their parents that you have used drugs?

  • Were you ever surprised to see drugs at a party or on another occasion?

  • Were you ever surprised to learn that one of your friends was using drugs?

  • How would you feel about being asked to take a drug test?

  • On a scale of 1 to 10, what is most you have been tempted to try a drug of any type?

  • Used what circumstances could you see yourself trying some type of drug?

  • What haven't I asked you that you think I should know?

Protocol/Questions to Ask Your Partner About Infidelity

  • If your partner admits to an episode of infidelity, accept the admission without reaction and simply ask what other times this has happened

  • Keep asking 'what other times' until your spouse provides a denial devoid of any deceptive indicators

  • Next drill down on the specific occurrences, beginning with the last admission first

  • Don't ask all the questions below (just the ones that most apply to your situation)

  • Who have you found yourself especially attracted to? Why?

  • When is the last time you were tempted to have an affair?

  • What really happened between you and ____?

  • Is there any reason that someone would say you're having an affair?

  • Since our relationship began, who else have you been sexually active with?

  • When is the last time you had sex with someone besides me?

  • Do you have an emotional attachment to anyone else?

  • Under what circumstances would you ever consider having an affair?

  • When is the last time someone came on to you?

  • What haven't I asked you that you think I should know?

 

Big Ideas

  • This system is as good as (if not superior) to a polygraph machine

  • Often we will unconsciously want to believe someone is telling us the truth and look for reasons to confirm that they are telling us the truth

  • It is impossible to know with 100% certainty whether or not a person is lying

  • Many people believe that other people will not lie to them

  • People are more likely to lie if they believe they can get away with it

  • Polygraph machines are only able to detect physiological changes that occur in a person's body in response to a question

  • It is up to the polygraph examiner to determine if the physiological changes that occur are an indication of deception

  • At any given moment we are either more aware of what we are seeing or what we're hearing (they are not equal)

  • The more deceptive behaviors a person exhibits, the greater the likelihood is that they are lying

  • For the behavior to be an accurate indicator of deception it must occur within 5 seconds of the stimulus

  • Most people are uncomfortable telling a bald-faced lie

Therefore

  • People who are lying are likely to give an indirect answer

  • A deceptive person might repeat the question to buy time and fill the silence

  • People perceive silence as a deceptive indicator

  • A deceptive person might attack the questioner (and try to get them to back off) if they are feeling backed into a corner

  • A person might be overly polite in order mask the fact that they're being deceptive

Because

  • A deceptive person might want you to like they, so that you go easier on them and don't suspect them of lying

  • A person might protest TOO much when they are being deceptive

  • Kids who HAVE experimented with drugs are likely to use convincing statements when asked about it

  • Kids who HAVE NOT experimented with drugs are likely to answer plainly when asked about it

  • It is hard to shake your head yes while saying no or vice verse (if you're not lying)

But

  • A deceptive person will sometimes unconsciously shake their head yes while saying no ( or vice versa)

  • A person might shield their eyes when lying because they aren't able to look at the person's reaction who they are lying to

  • Punishment Questions can be ineffective because the suspect might suspect that something and give a response that suggests a harsh punishment

  • Truthfully people are not likely to be offended when you ask them bait questions and presumptive questions

Because

  • They understand that you are just doing your job

  • The first thing out of the mouth of a truthful person who's been accused of wrongdoing is normally an explicit and forceful denial

 

Surprising Facts

  • We lie at least 10 times in a 24 hour period (including white-lies)

  • We think at least 10 time faster than we speak

  • Animals use their whiskers to tell if they can fit through a small space

 

Unknown Terms

Cluster: any combination of two or more deceptive indicators

Convincing statements: Statements made by a deceptive person which inappropriately try to convince another person that they are being honest

"I swear to God…"

"I can't believe you would think that!"

"I've never given you any reason to believe that!"

"I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you"

"How could you think that?"

"I'm an honest person"

Anchor Point: parts of a person's body which anchor them in a particular spot or position eg. Feet when standing, butt when sitting

Punishment Question: When the prosecuting person asked the suspected person what they think should happen to the person who did the thing they are suspected of doing

Presumptive Question: a question that presumes something about the matter at hand (eg. "How long have you been off drugs?" presumes person has been ON drugs) 2) a question that contains one or more suppressed premises

Leading Question: a question which puts words in the person's mouth and directs them to answer (eg. "You were at Nicole's last night, weren't you?")

Bait Question: a type of hypothetical question where a person asks "Is there any reason to think that…(thing you suspect they might have done)?"