Title She's Six Steps Away

Author Eric Disco

Year Published 2015

Kind of Book Dating/Communication

How strongly I recommend it 8/10 

My Impressions Even though this book is written for men wanting to meet women, the principles apply to anyone who wants to get more comfortable interacting and communicating with people they don't know. This book was very helpful for me during a time in my life when I wanted to meet women, but couldn't get past the hurdle of walking over and saying hi. Disco advocates easing into the process rather than just throwing yourself in. He breaks an approach down into 6 easy steps that build on each other. It is the first book I would recommend to anyone who wants to overcome their nerves talking to people they don’t know.

Date Read circa 2015

Practical Takeaways

  • Practice Taking Action

  • Shift your focus from trying to get a specific response to simply taking action and accepting every possible outcome

  • Shift your focus from how you're taking initiatives to that you're taking initiatives

  • Set your goals on what is in your control vs. an outcome which is not (eg. I will ask for 5 girls for their number not I will get 5 numbers today)

  • Repeatedly take small, manageable initiatives, rather than large overwhelming ones

  • Put yourself in places where women are

  • Accept self-doubt in any new endeavor your take on

  • Go out consistently to meet women

  • Get out of the house. Go out into the world

  • See the world as a welcoming place filled with opportunity, not a threatening place

  • Take note of where you see women to approach

  • Walk slowly

  • Get comfortable being the center of attention

  • Get comfortable being noticed/looked at

  • Walk through the center of the room

  • Look people in the eye

  • Act like you want people to look at you

  • Unzip your jacket

  • Keep your hands out of your pockets

  • Immediately take action after feeling attraction

  • Get your feet moving towards her the split second after you first notice her (before your conscious brain steps in)

  • Find any reason to get close to her

  • Stand next to her

  • Stay planted where you are near her. Minimize your movement

  • Be decisive with your walk

  • Walk directly over to her

  • Slow you walk down

  • Say something [when you see her]! (anything is better than nothing)

  • If you think it, say it. Start getting comfortable saying what's on your mind

  • Speak slowly and loudly

  • Stand next to her when you're talking to her, not facing her

  • Think of the first thing you say as something to start the process, not as the thing that will attract her

  • Stay in the conversation longer

  • When you run out of things to say either a)ask a follow-up question b)Make a statement about yourself

  • Ask questions that require longer answers (not yes no questions)

  • If she is in a rush, let her excuse herself and rush off, but don't make that decision for her

  • Don't wait until she gives you 100% interest before you start to lengthen the interaction/conversation

  • Go out to meet women even if your tired. (It doesn't matter what your mood is)

  • Start becoming a touchy guy with everyone

  • Touch her when she's laughing

  • Touch her when you're teasing her

  • Practice being indirect to get comfortable talking with out laying your cards out on the table first, then be direct

  • Make an observation about her and then ask her about it (cold reading)

  • Make a leading statement about yourself to make her ask you a personal question ("Where I'm from we have the worst coffee")

  • Get good at making small talk without having to get personal right away

  • Cold read by starting with the phrase "I get the feeling…."

Guess about her

  1. Occupation eg. "I get the feeling you're a nurse"

  2. Where she's from eg, "I get the feeling you're from LA"

  3. Her interests eg. "I get the feeling you do yoga"

  4. Her hobbies eg."I get the feeling that you like to ski"

  5. Her relationships eg."I get the feeling you're from a large family"

  • when cold reading Be specific with your guess

  • when cold reading give a reason for your statement (eg. I get the feeling you're from a large family. You seem comfortable around people.)

  • When cold reading guess something that you want to be true about her ie. Gamble in your favor

  • Turn finding out about each other in a game. Ask her a personal question and before she can answer say, "Wait, let me guess"

  • Make her guess about you when she asks you a personal question

  • Whether or not you hear an accent you can say "I noticed a little bit of an accent. Where are you from?" (make sure you say little bit, as some girls are self conscious about their accent)

  • Transition into personal conversation 3 or 4 sentences into the conversation, not after the first question

  • Don't worry about 'scaring her off' during the interaction. You have to take some risks to polarize her

  • Memorize a few personal questions to ask her

  • Memorize a few cold read templates

  • Exit the conversation if she is not willing to get personal

  • To exit the conversation say "Well, it was nice meeting you. Have a great day"

  • Find out how she feels about an experience

  • Get her to reveal how she feels about something important to her

  • Ask "What inspired you to…"

  • Ask her to talk about a specific moment in time

  • Ask "How did you feel when…"

  • Find out what's important to her

  • Don't ask about her job

  • Find out about the people in her life and her relationship to them

  • Have her reminisce about childhood experiences and/or return to a childlike state with you

  • Share about yourself with her

  • Ideally have her talk more than you

  • Don't put words in her mouth//don't finish people's sentences for them

  • Ask open ended questions not leading questions. (Eg. How did you feel at the end of the race?)

  • Stay positive. If conversation goes negative switch to a more positive topic

  • Stay away from returning to the introductory topic once you've moved past it into personal territory

  • Make sure you introduce yourself before asking her number

  • Rather than ask for her name, introduce yourself and offer your hand

  • Try to remember her name

  • If you haven't socialized for a long while (days, weeks, months) start slowly over a few weeks. Go back to the first steps and ease your way back into it

  • Ramp up over the course of the day. Ie. Start with step 1,2 as you warm-up

  • Start by looking at the pros of what you did before looking at what could have been better

  • Say "I just come here fore the music" (when in a supermarket or other mundane venue)

  • Say hi to her like you already know her well or as if she's your best friend

  • Say she is "cute" rather than "beautiful" or "gorgeous" (so that you're not idolizing her)

  • Don't throw yourself to the wolves (ease into the process

Big Ideas

6 steps to meeting a woman for the first time

Step 1: Go to places where women are

Step 2: Get close to her

Step 3: Say something

Step 4: Stay in awhile

Step 5: Get personal

Step 6: Get emotional

 

  • A woman can feel when you've waited ten seconds or 20 seconds or 2mins before you talk with her, even if she hasn't seen you

 

Unknown Terms

False Eject: When a guy rejects himself before the girl rejects him by walking away from her before she has indicated that she is not interested.