Title She Comes First

Author Ian Kerner

Year Published 2010

Kind of Book Sexuality/How-to

How strongly I recommend it 4/10 

My Impressions First off props to Ian Kerner for telling the world that he suffers from premature ejaculation AND for declaring himself a world expert on giving women head. That takes balls (pun intended). As for the book itself…. Kerner argues that men should spend more time on the woman's pleasure during sex and make sure she orgasms before he does. He also argues that a man doesn't need to use his penis to make a woman come. He then gets into the mechanics on how to give good head. It seemed like good enough advice, but I'm not sure that a book is the best way to learn such a skill...

Date Read circa 2016

Practical Takeaways

  • Always make any oral or fingering techniques feel to her like something you're doing with her, not to her and definitely not something to get something in return from her

  • Let her know that you enjoy pleasuring her

  • Never say you want to make her orgasm or put any pressure on her to orgasm

  • Don't be afraid to ask what she liked and didn't like after cunnilingus

  • Let her know that she can trust you and let her guard down around you to let herself go into orgasm and you will not judge her

  • Say "I love this" instead of "I love you" during sex or intimacy

  • Keep her in the present moment and help her turn off the chatter in her head

  • Let her know that you find her sexy. Compliment her body

  • Let her know that you're enjoying giving her pleasure, especially if she is a giver and has trouble receiving "I love this" "I love tasting you"

  • Start foreplay earlier in the day with a text ("I can't wait to see you tonight" "I'm thinking about what I want to do to you later…"

  • Have her lie down, close her eyes, ask her to clear her mind and lead her through some breathing exercises

  • Kiss or lick the inside of her ear

  • Kiss all over her body

  • Make sure there is no rough skin on your fingers on untrimmed fingernails before you touch her clitoris

  • Never touch the clitoris before she's aroused

  • Don't go right for her clit

  • Push the clitoral hood over the clit and go in a clockwise motion

  • Tell her how good she tastes

  • Make cunnilingus its own experience, not just foreplay before sex

  • Focus your mouth on her clit

  • Don't flick your tongue during cunnilingus

  • Suck on her clit like it’s a mini penis. Make a biting an apple face

  • Wait until she is begging for it before you lick/touch her clit

  • Kiss and lick all around the clit (legs of clit)

  • Lick up her vaginal opening to the clit like an ice cream cone

  • Lick between her vagina and anus. If she seems into it, lick her anus

  • Moan/hum while you mouth is on her clit to create vibration

  • Put finger in her vagina all the way and press down and just leave it to make her feel like she is get fucked while you eat her out

Big Ideas

  • A man doesn't have to use his penis to make a woman orgasm

  • Cunnilingus doesn't have to just be foreplay to the "main event" (penetrative sex)