Title Sex for One

Author Betty Dodson

Year Published 1974

Kind of Book Self-help/Sexuality/Feminism

How strongly I recommend it 7/10 

My Impressions Betty Dodson has gone down in history as a pioneer in the women's liberation movement for being one of the first eradicate the shameful public perception around female masturbation. This book is an extension of her first book and highlights a lot of her journey advocating for masturbation and leading workshops. It is also a book about body acceptance and self love. She thinks of masturbation as a kind of self love meditation and walks the reader through how to go about giving yourself some love!

Date Read 2021

Practical Takeaways

  • Masturbate prior to sex to eliminate premature ejaculation and rushing

  • Let go of the idea that there's a right or best way to have sex

  • Delicately massage her clit with moistened fingertips while fucking her slowly and sensuously

  • After using a water based lube, don't add more, just add a bit of water and it will become slippery again

  • Place her hand on her clit while having sex to encourage her to play with herself during sex

  • (for couples) if one of you doesn't feel like having sex, encourage the other to masturbate (sometimes this will turn the other on and they will want to have sex, but it isn't necessary )

  • (for couples) encourage your partner to masturbate when they're alone

  • Don't assume "sex" means a penis inside a vagina (we need to realize that there are an infinite number of ways to express our sexuality.)

  • Use orgasm breaks to give yourself a boost of energy and spur creativity

  • Spend at least an hour on your self-love practice

  • Use masturbation as a way to train yourself not to come too quickly (for men and women)

  • (ejaculation control) Press your thumb and forefinger together just under the head of your cock, tighten your anal muscles, and breath deeply

  • Think of masturbation as a kind of meditation (though don't take it too seriously)

  • Do a slow strip tease for your woman or have her do one for you

  • (self love practice) start by Looking into the mirror and saying "I love you" out loud. Smile. Add your name.

  • (self love practice) Give yourself a big hug.

  • (self love practice) Say "I love you just the way you are"

  • (self love) Take a bath.

  • (self love) Light candles

  • (self love) use scented soap

  • (self love) stand in front of the mirror naked in candle light (no harsh light) Look at your image with compassion. Find things about your body you like and complement yourself on them.

  • (self love) Self-massage while sitting in front of a mirror.

  • (self love) Open your mouth as wide as possible, stick out your tongue, and open your eyes wide. Then scrunch up your face and tighten all the muscles.

  • (self love) roll your head, breath out loud, sighing, and letting go

  • (self love) rub your temples and skull. Grab little handfuls of hair and tug

  • (self love) massage and pat your belly

  • (self love) press your knuckles into the soles of your feet

  • (self love) massage your nipples

  • (self love) save your genitals for last after massaging your entire body

  • (self love) make the lighting soft with candles or dim lights

  • (self love) choose soft fabrics you enjoy on your bed

  • (self love) arrange a pretty try of fresh fruit next to your bed

  • (self love) Turn off your phone

  • (self love) put on soft music

  • (self love) listen to the sound of your breathing

  • (self love) don't think about orgasm, think about the good feelings as you play with you body and your fantasies.

  • (self love) when you feel yourself close to coming, drop back by intensifying your breathing and tightening your ass muscles

  • (self love) Spend at least 30minutes masturbating

  • (self love) when you finally soar into orgasm, let your joy be heard. Give yourself permission to sigh, to laugh, to moan, or utter any kind of sound that might bubble up.

 

Big Ideas

Masturbation can reawaken people who are sexually repressed/frigid

Sexual skills have to be learned (like any other skill)

Many feminists use their power to dominate their children

Many feminists dominate their husbands

Circumcision leaves lasting trauma in men

Men's fear of castration stems from the trauma caused by circumcision

Some women believe they have never had an orgasm, but actually have had them, but they are just small orgasms that don't fit with the explosive orgasms they think they should be having.

When a woman can give herself a nice orgasm she will be less likely to mistake good sex for love when she orgasms with a partner

Everyone is naturally bi sexual,

but

Society makes us choose 'straight' or 'gay'

 

Fears during sex

 

Men fear

-not getting it up

-coming too quickly

-not giving her an orgasm

 

Women fear

-not getting wet

-smelling/tasting bad

-looking ugly/fat naked

 

Surprising Facts

  • It is fairly common for women to think their vulvas are ugly or deformed

  • It is fairly common for little boys and girls to masturbate around 4 or 5 years old

  • It is fairly common for women to not be able to relax while getting head because they are worried about how they look, smell, and taste "down there"

  • Madonna masturbated onstage while singing "Like a Virgin" on her Blond Ambition tour

  • According to Kinsey, on the national average there are only 2 1/2 minutes of thrusting after penetration.

  • Up to 30% of sensitivity is removed when a male is circumcised

  • Some women can have an orgasm from breathing with no stimulation whatsoever

  • Some women can orgasm with breast stimulation alone

  • Men can learn to stay hard after coming and keep having sex through breathing techniques

  • In the early 80s some feminists came out against pornography

 

Unknown Terms

Jilling off: a slang for a woman masturbation. A play on words of the masculine slang "jacking off"