Title Never Split the Difference
Author Chris Voss
Year Published 2016
Kind of Book Negotiating/Communication/Sales
How strongly I recommend it 8/10
My Impressions I found this book very helpful. It made me rethink the way I was going about selling to customers and negotiating things at my job. Some of his ideas (such as getting the other person to say 'no') are counterintuitive, but produce results. I took his masterclass on Masterclass.com and think that might have been even better than the book.
Date Read Sep 2019
Practical Takeaways
Make people feel understood
Listen intensely
Get over your aversion to negotiating
On the outset of a negotiation make it your goal to observe as much information as possible
At the start of a negotiation don't think at all about what you're going to say and make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say
Validate the other person's emotions
Slow the negotiating process down. Don't go too fast
Use a late night FM DJ voice (deep, soft, slow, and reassuring) to build comfort and trust
Mostly Use a positive/playful voice and keep your attitude light and encouraging when negotiating
Inflect your voice in a downward way
Talk slowly
Talk clearly
Relax and smile while you talk
Smile while you talk on the phone
Repeat the last three words (or critical 1-3 words) of what someone has just said
If you're a waiter, repeat the customers orders back to them when they're done ordering
Remain silent for a few seconds after you repeat the last thing the other person said
Don't say "what do you mean by that?" Just repeat what they just said and pause a few seconds (they will likely reword what they've just said
Put a smile on your face before going into a negotiation
Identify and label your emotions
Spot someone's feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them
Imagine that you are the person you are talking to. Really see yourself in their body and imagine how they feel
Practice empathy by people watching and pretending that you are in their body walking around
To label someone's emotions; Say "It seems like…
To label someone's emotions; Say "It sound like…
To label someone's emotions; Say "It looks like…
Once you've labeled the other person's emotions, be quiet and listen
Label your audience's fears
Label your counterpart's fears in a negotiation
List the worst things the other party could say about you and say them before they can
Don't push hard for a 'yes' right away in a negotiation or a sale
Let the other side know they are welcome to say 'no'
Welcome and even invite a solid 'no' to start the negotiation
Ask "is now a bad time to talk?" when calling. Not "is now a good time to talk?"
Make the prospect convince you that he should buy the product/service (eg. 'yeah, you're right. You should keep doing what you're doing since you say it's working for you)
As a coach. Get the other person to convince you why they should change. Don't tell them to change. (eg. Yeah you could stay the same weight)
Ask the other party what they don't want in the negotiation
If you're being ignored or flaked on, provoke a "no" (eg. Have you given up on this project?)
Break the habit of attempting to get people to say 'yes'
Figure out how the other party arrived at their asking price
Never split the difference
Choose no deal over a bad deal
See deadlines as being flexible and negotiable
Shop for a car near the end of the month when transactions are assessed.
Speak in terms of what they have to lose if the deal falls through, not what they have to gain
Say "I wanted to bring this opportunity to you before I took it to someone else"
Let the other guy go first in negotiation most of the time
Let the other side anchor monetary negotiations (but have your number to begin with)
Allude to a range you want instead of saying a direct number (eg. At top places like X they make $__)
Negotiate with nonmonetary items that are valuable to them but not to you
After you've anchored high, make your offer seem reasonable by offering nonmonetary items
Don't use numbers that end in 0 when negotiating. Use specific numbers (eg. Not $100 but $113
Be pleasantly persistent
On a job interview ask, "What does it take to be successful here?"
Get your negotiating counterpart to suggest your solution himself
Ask open-ended questions that force your counterpart to think about how to solve your problem for you (eg. "how am I supposed to do that?")
Instead of telling the salesclerk what you 'need', describe what you're looking for and ask for suggestions
Don't say 'no' to an offer explicitly. Instead ask "How am I supposed to do that?" (this transforms encounters from confrontational showdowns into joint problem solving sessions)
Regulate your emotions when negotiating
Pause. Think. Let passion dissipate
Don't ask questions that start with 'why' unless you want your counterpart to defend a goal that serves you. ('why' is always an accusation, in any language)
Use language that frames what your counterpart could lose (eg. Say 'not lose' instead of 'keep)
If someone's tone of voice or body language does not align with what they're saying, use labels to discover the source of the incongruence
Get the other guy to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation. Rephrase how you ask the same essential question
Humanize yourself. Introduce yourself by name to people who are hostile to you. Say it in a fun, friendly way
Use your own name when negotiating
Instead of saying 'no' in a negotiation say "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I just can't do that"
Don't treat others the way you want to be treated, treat them the way they need to be treated (the way they want to be treated)
If someone starts the negotiation with an unreasonable offer, don't get angry, take a deep breath and say "I don't see how that would ever work"
Instead of saying 'no' say "I'm sorry that just doesn't work for me"
Never look at your counterpart as an enemy
Be clear on what your bottom line is
Be willing to walk away from any negotiation
Ackerman model for Negotiation
Set your target price (your goal)
Set your first offer at 65% of your target price
Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85%,95% and 100%)
Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying "no" to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer
When calculating the final amount, use precise, non-round numbers (eg. $37,893 not $38,000)
On your final number, throw in a non-monetary item (that they probably don't want) to show you're at your limit
Price things at $1.99 not $2 (even if they know it’s a trick they still prefer it)
Don't make another offer until you've received one in return
When negotiation rent say "It seems like you would rather run the risk of keeping the place unrented"
Prepare, prepare, prepare
To get leverage, persuade your counterpart that they have something real to lose if the deal falls through
Show inconsistencies between the person's beliefs and their actions
Know your counterpart's religion ie. What they truly want out of life
Use the word 'because' after your request
When doing an interview never turn off your recorder
Don't avoid honest, clear conflict
Don't aim low when negotiating because you're trying to guarantee you match your goal
Expect more
Articulate what you want
Prepare 3-5 labels
It seems like _____is valuable to you
It seems like you don't like ______
It seems like you value ________
It seem like ______makes it easier
It seems like you're reluctant to ______
Use the phrase "It seems like____" or "You seem ____" to cold-read
Prepare a list of noncash items that you posses that would be of value to your counterpart
Prepare a list of noncash items that your counterpart posses that would be of value to you
Ask yourself "What could they give that would almost get us to do it for free?"
Big Ideas
It is best to modify your tactics to go with the tide rather than against it
Theories go out the window the moment reality sets in
Human Needs have a need to be understood
When you repeat the last words a person said to you they will inevitably elaborate on what they just said
Empathy is about understand the other person, not about agreeing with them
One side saying the word "No" is the start of the negotiation
People often say 'yes' at the beginning of a sale/negotiations to get the other person to go away, but it is a counterfeit yes
When people say "no" in a sale/negotiation it helps them feel safe, secure, emotionally comfortable, and in control of their decisions
Pushing for a 'yes' right away gets the prospect's guard up and paints you as an untrustworthy salesman
Negotiation is The Art of letting someone else have your way
When someone says "I'll try" it means "I plan to fail"
Liars use more words than truth tellers
Liars use more third-person pronouns when talking about themselves
Unknown Terms
Labeling: The tactic of spotting someone's feelings, turning them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeating their emotions back to them
"Taking the sting out": When defense lawyers mention everything their client is accused of, and all the weaknesses of their case, in the opening statement (a form of discounting)
Certainty Effect: This cognitive bias is the phenomenon where people are drawn to sure things over probabilities even when the probability is extremely high (or low) eg. You can't lose vs. 99.999999 chance you won't lose
The 7-38-55 Percent Rule: 7% of a message is based on the words, 38% comes from the tone of voice and 55% from the speaker's body-language and face.
The Black Swan Rule: Don't treat others the way you want to be treated, treat them the way they need to be treated