Title Models
Author Mark Manson
Year Published 2011
Kind of Book Dating/Pick-up
How strongly I recommend it 8/10
My Impressions I enjoyed this book. It is chalk full of practical actionable advice. He takes a different approach than a lot of pick-up artists by advocating honesty and authenticity while at the same time offering a different take from mainstream dating advice by peppering in some pick-up tips and tricks. Though at times his advice is compatible with both schools, at other times you can feel him fighting with himself over which advice to give; the advice to be authentic or the advice that will get guys laid.
Date Read May 2019
Practical Takeaways
3 Fundamentals
Live based on your values (Honest living)
Become comfortable with your intentions(Honest Actions)
Express sexuality freely(Honest communication)
Trust your own actions
Pursue women with your own unique style and personality
Get up out of your chair, go outside, dare to feel, to experiment and to connect
Show women that you have potential
Pursue women boldly and aggressively
Don’t pretend to be high status and confident. Be high status and confident.
Pursue without being creepy
Chase without being desperate
Don’t pretend you’re something you’re not.
Don’t be needy
Don’t be more invested in other people’s perceptions of you than of your perceptions of yourself.
Be less invested in her than she is in herself
Be less willing to sacrifice your thoughts/feelings/motivations for a woman less than she is willing to do the same for you
Never become more invested in the relationship than the woman
Don’t let her dominate you emotionally (ie. take up all your mental RAM)
Don’t drop everything to get together with her (change your schedule, move plans etc.)
Don’t be rude or nasty to women
Return women’s texts when you feel like it
Only make time for women you genuinely like spending time with
Invest in yourself rather than the girl you’re talking to
Work on yourself in order to decrease your neediness
Don’t be a fake alpha
Don’t tell people how confident or cool you are
Be vulnerable. (Physically and emotionally)
Put yourself in situations where you can be rejected.
Express your emotions
Admit when you suck at something
Live life on your own terms
Be genuine
Say what you mean and mean what you say
When approaching a woman subcommunicate “ here’s who I am. Take it or leave it”
Know that she knows the real reason why you’re talking to her and will just lose respect for you if you don’t own it.
Give the gift of truth without expecting anything in return
Give compliments genuinely for the sake of making the other person feel good. Not to get something in return
Only give compliments when you feel inspired to
Think of compliments as gifts you’re giving not as bartering tools
Only approach women who you genuinely want to
Be less invested in her than she is in you, but still be a little invested
Call women on their bull shit
Have strong boundaries with women
Don’t tolerate women’s bad behavior
Move on to the next woman if she has bad behavior or a bad attitude
Make it clear that you’re unwilling to put up with her games
If she seems like she doesn't want to be on a date with you, Tell her that if she wasn’t excited to be on a date with me, then I’d rather her save us both the time and not show up
Value your own time and happiness more than the attention you receive from women
Learn to say “no” to people
Know what you like and don’t like. What you tolerate and don’t tolerate
Be willing to be controversial
Don’t make it your goal to seduce ANY woman. //Just the ones you like and who would be compatible with you
If you don’t find a woman attractive don’t approach her, don’t hit on her, don’t do anything
Don’t pressure yourself to like the kind of girl other people like. Decide for yourself who you’re attracted to
Identify non receptive women and move on as quickly as possible
Polarize neutral women with your behavior. Be more aggressive. Flirt or tease them
Indicate some kind of sexual interest early on (otherwise you’re likely to be put in the friend-zone)
Stop trying to behave in a way that makes EVERY woman like you
Stop trying to be liked by all and hated by none.
Be willing to fail so you can succeed
Be happy she rejected you in the first 4mins as opposed to 4hrs and you didn’t have to waste your time.
Make your true character known right away.
Find out her true character right away.
Don’t try to get every woman. Define success as how fast you can sort through the ones you don't like
Don’t take rejections personally. (It’s usually not about you.)
Instead of thinking “I wonder if she likes me” think “I wonder what she’s like?”
Instead of thinking “I hope she doesn’t reject me,” think “I wonder if we’ll have an adventure together?”
Have good motivations for approaching. Not need for attention and validation.
Define success as “Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer”
Have a job that is in alliance with your truth
Think of not approaching a woman you want to approach as dishonesty to yourself and what you want
Don’t let a strangers opinion of you matter more than your opinion of yourself **
Present like the women you want to attract
Go to the places you would normally be found and meet women there.
Acknowledge what your beliefs are and acknowledge that they may not be true
Assume every woman is attracted to you
Recognize your personal interests and strengths. Play up those personal interests and strengths. Hone in on your target demographic
Cultivate as much social status within your demographic as possible.
Pursue what you’re passionate about to the fullest extent.
Be a leader of a group of men (organize a group, set something up)
Don’t just pursue your interests, become a leader in your interests.
Don’t just choose a demographic of women to meet, dominate that demographic
Stop caring about how beautiful women are. Think of her and treat her as just another woman.
Ditch any sort of rating scale for women
Especially when talking to beautiful women “connect with her genuinely and emotionally as soon as possible. Find something that you like about her other than her looks and relate that to her honestly
“Tell the beautiful girls they’re smart and the smart girls they are beautiful.”-old saying
Switch to a binary scale of 1 or 0. (1 is a woman you’d like to be with 0 is a woman you wouldn’t.)
Invest more in yourself than others.
Polarize people’s opinions of you
Fashion directives
Wear clothes that fit
Match
Choose good colors for your skin tone
Accessorize
Dress to fit your personality
Fitness directives
Lift weights!
Start with the machines, but move on to free weights as soon as you can
Do squats, bench press, military press, dead lifts, leg press, back rows, pull ups, dips. 3xs a week. Legs one day. Chest and shoulders one day. Back and arms a third day.
Do the “Rippetoe system”
Run outside
Don’t run more than 3xs a week (too hard on joints)
Nutrition
No fast food
No dressing or sauces
No fried foods
Less refined carbs
Less or no alcohol
No soda
Eat fruits and vegetables
Good fats (peanut butter, nuts avocados, eggs)
Creatine and protein powder
Posture
Always look straight ahead when walking
Roll your calves out with a foam roller and stretch them
Don’t walk with your hand in your pockets
Slightly swing your arms when you walk
Head up and shoulders back
Don’t ever look down at the ground when you walk
“Always make other people break eye contact with you before you break it with them”
Look people in the eye as they walk by-particularly attractive girls
Consciously force yourself to go through steps with posture until it becomes system one habit
Speak from your chest voice not your head voice
Speak loudly. Speak louder than you think//project
Don’t yell
Speak with a low voice
Speak slowly. Slow your cadence. Don’t worry about making people wait for your next words
Eliminate hesitations “ahs” “umm” “I mean” “like” “you know”
Make your opinions known
Have unique experiences and ideas
Try things most people haven’t tried and do things most people haven’t done
Be well read
Read the classics fiction
Read biographies
Speed up your reading speed
If a book is written poorly or you don’t enjoy it, stop reading it. Just know why you don’t like it.
Have a hard stance on what you like and don’t like
Explain why you like or don’t like something
Assume everything has a form of value; consider it your job to find it.
Expand your horizons
Drop all preconceived notions of an art form. Check it out. Then evaluate it
When checking out a new subject or genre or art form start with what is considered best
Watch every movie in IMDBs top 20 movies of all time
Read critics reviews of movies and music (allmusic, metacritic, rotten tomatoes)
Exercise: take a piece of paper. Take 10mins and make a list of unique things you have done or experienced that most people haven’t. Next take 10minutes to write down all the things you want to do before you die if money and time weren’t an issue. If your first list has less than 10things. Get out more. Pick 3 things from your bucket list and make it your goal to make them happen within the next year.
Indulge In life experiences
Have an opinion on everything. When topics, ideas, or thoughts come up ask yourself “how do I feel about it?”
Be independent from your parents
Notice what kind of stories you tell yourself
Stop telling yourself the story “I’ll be ready to start after I ____ or after ___happens”
Accept that you’ll never be 100% prepared. Start now.
Constant fight against the resistance to remain static
Stop buying into your own bullshit and stop believing your own stories (ie. Excuses for not taking action)
Figure out what your pattern is when confronted with something you’re afraid of , blaming, apathy and avoidance, and intellectualizing
Stop telling yourself you don’t care when you do and you’re just afraid of rejection
Stop intellectualizing by reading a ton of information on something as an avoidance behavior for taking action.
Stop thinking you need to learn more before taking action
Have a friend hold you accountable for your goals
Take responsibility for everything in your life
Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone
Get rid of your preconceived notions of what certain types of girls are like
“Take full responsibility of your results and your actions”
Imagine what the women you meet look like naked. Imagine having sex with them
Make her feel alive
She knows the real reason you’re talking to her, so own it.
Don’t use reading and hoarding information as a way to avoid taking action. Don’t trick yourself into thinking reading alone will give you results
Stop trying to get rid of the fear. Instead learn to love it
Channel negative emotions into positive behavior (eg. Anger into cleaning
Don’t try to hide your fear and anxiety from the girl
Expose yourself to your fears through incremental high volume exposure, not a single extreme exposure. (think low intensity high repetition when lifting weights not high intensity low rep)
Only Focus on one aspect of your game at a time.
Practice Approaching until it’s comfortable
Next practice displaying more interest
Next practice being more physical
Communicate to her that you know you are disrupting social norms //preframe eg. I know people aren’t supposed to talk to each other on the train, but…excuse me. This is kinda random, but…”
“Always error on the side of aggression.”
Chose the more bold action
Compliment her out of genuine appreciation for her. Not out of trying to get something from her.
“Give yourself permission to be creepy.”
Don’t put too many smileys in texts
Tease her
Alternate a compliment after teasing her.
Take her by the hand and lead her somewhere. (“Let’s go get a drink…”)
Make statements instead of asking questions (eg. Let’s get a drink vs Would you like to have a drink w me sometime?)
Identify the good and bad habits you want to break and develop them until they become second nature
Focus on one habit at a time. Two at most
Lean on your back foot while talking
Touch on the approach
Find a way of relating everything to her and you (ie don’t talk things. Talk about you)
Be open about yourself, get her to open up about herself and relate her experience to yours
Touch her when she laughs
Make observations about her features
Do not startle or scare her when you approach.
Don’t approach from behind
Preframe “hey I know this is kinda random but…”
Don’t worry too much about what you’re opener is. Body language and non neediness is more important
Make a good first impression
When in doubt simply walk up and introduce yourself and say you wanted to meet her
“Hi my name is __” is the best opener
Don’t make your opener super creative and contrived. Like you thought about it for 10mis. It sounds needy like you’re trying to impress her.
Find a way to say what you mean in fewer word
Once the conversation gets rolling avoid questions. Avoid an interview style conversation
Cold read her. Make a guess (eg. You look like a Californian girl. Vs where are you from?
Instead of “how do you know each other?” guess “you look like you’ve been friends for a long time”
Don’t ask people about themselves, tell them about themselves
Use non-sequiturs when there is a lull in the conversation instead of asking her a burning question (eg. I almost got in a fight on the way here today)
Work on jump-off points in conversations
“Be willing to share any part of yourself to anyone at any time and on any level.”
When a joke falls flat; Don’t laugh at yourself, don’t make fun of yourself. Don’t try to explain the joke. Just act like nothing happened and move on.
Play games with her and role play (fuck/marry/kill point to three random people and ask who they would fuck, marry, and kill and why)
Don’t use self deprecating humor. Make fun of her not yourself.
Don’t overdo the humor. Make sure you’re still leading and escalating
Attract women enough when you meet them that she won’t flake on you. Don’t obsess about text game.
Don’t obsess about text rules.
Get used to flakes. Don’t get too hung up on why they flaked.let it go and move on.
3 times and you’re out flake rule. Send a text after the 2nd time “okay last time though”
Always text within 24hrs of meeting (eg. “hey Sarah, nice meeting you”)
Wait another day and send a text to start up a conversation
Don’t ruin your chances by being too fancy or cute with text
Win her over when you meet her
Don’t try too hard to win her back if she’s not responding to your texts.
Use clear and blunt language in texts. Plain and to the point.
If she’s not responsive try to get her out ASAP
Make texts boring and 90% logistics
Get her to agree to meet up ASAP
Don’t make a big deal if she’s a few mins late for the date and has a good excuse.
Avoid lunch and afternoon dates (suggests let’s be friends)
Best to worst nights to ask a woman out
1.Thursday
2.Wednesday
3.Sunday
4.Tuesday
5.Monday
6.Friday
7.Saturday
Make the date for 6,7,8,or 9pm. So you’re peaking around 10 or 11pm
Avoid dinner and movie dates
Chose a date spot that is active, participatory and allows for touching and flirting.
Choose a date spot near your house.
Good date ideas: comedy club, dance class, museum exhibit, park, bowling
Make your dates action packed
Go to three separate locations on your date.
Get a drink as the second or last venue when the sexual tension is peaking
Constantly be leading her. Remove “what do you want to do now?” from your vocabulary
Pay for the date unless she insists
Get physical quickly
Touch early and often.
Be sexually aggressive and dominant.
Touch her as a punctuation to what you’re saying. While she laughs
Touch her lightly on the arm near the elbow when you start a conversation with her.
Thumb wars and high fives are good
Put your arm on the small of her back as you talk.
Always go for it when in doubt of whether or not to kiss.
While making out grab her belt loops with your fingers and pull her towards you.
Be the first one to pull away during the first kiss.
Don’t overthink asking her back to your place. Give her some plausible deniability (eg. I have half a bottle of wine. I have some kombucha)
Keep your hands moving while you’re touching her sexually.
Take some hair in your fist and clench it towards the root of hair and back of the head.
Take your shirt off after taking hers off which subcommunicates sex is happening
If she objects to sex say okay but continue escalating. Listen to her actions not her words.
If she says stop stop.
If she pushes you away stop.
If she halts everything ask what the matter is. Acknowledge her concern what ever it may be and assure her it’s not a big deal
Never get angry if she puts up resistance.
Escalate faster than you think you should
Fuck her well and powerfully. Don’t make love to her.
Ask her what she likes done with her clit
Make a bit of noise during sex and dirty talk.
Whisper her name.
Breathe into her ear.
Spank her
Tread carefully [when escalating] but tread, don’t tip toe
Only comment about how nice her pussy is.
Don’t over do the pussy compliments.
Remember that she likes making you come.
Come on her tits or ass or face.
Tease during foreplay. Take it slow, but not too slow.
Suck and massage her breasts. Maybe bite her nipples.
Be dominant and assertive in bed
(during sex) Be loud. Make noise. Grint. Breath hard
Talk dirty. Tell her how sexy she is. Tell her what you’re going to do to her before you do it.
(during sex) Never ask “is thins ok?” or “Do you want to do X?” Just do it and apologize later if she doesn’t like it.
Have a sense of humor while having sex, relax
Have as much sex as possible to get good.
Whatever happens to you no matter how bad, ask yourself “what if it’s a gift?”
Create an emotional connection
Become aware of your own motivations and life story
Take the lead by sharing those emotions, motivations and life story first
Encourage her to share making it clear you are not going to judge her
Plan for taking action on fears
Write out the thing you’re most afraid of (approaching, showing sexual interest)
Write down your pattern with it
Create a gold for yourself
Tell a friend and have him keep you accountable
Masturbation diet
No porn
Masturbate once a week (pick a day)
Only fantasize about women you have not had sex with
Use lube
Do it slow and longer than 10 mins.
Enjoy it
Mindsets
She’s rooting for you to be the confident, interesting, fun, not needy,relaxed guy, who is interested in her as an individual
Women don’t enjoy rejecting guys
Make your motivation to want to have sex with her your only intent for the approach a
Opening
Don’t linger or hover
Walk in a straight line to her
Smile when you approach
Introduce yourself
Give her a firm handshake
Exercise to get comfortable talking about yourself
Take out a sheet of paper and write out your passions, your favorite things to do, your dreams, ambitions, and life goals, the best/worst things that have happened to you, your childhood ,upbringing, and family life.
Practice Talking about them for one min each.
Big Ideas
Courage is like a muscle. It gets stronger the more you use it
Anytime you feel fear to do something and you do it anyways your courage muscle gets stronger
Courage involves acting against fear
Discipline involves acting against laziness or fatigue
People are attracted to people like them
If you see a beautiful woman and have a desire to meet her, to not take action and meet her is a form of dishonesty to yourself
If you’re afraid to approach a beautiful woman it’s because somewhere in you you are more invested in her opinion of you than you are or yourself
Sex occurs when a woman is more invested in a man then he is in her
Women who aren’t needy don’t date men who are needy
Women have been naturally selected to choose high status men based on their behavior first, and then their looks and accomplishments second
Boring conversation comes from fear of being vulnerable enough to take it to a taboo place
You can't fake vulnerability
You can't fake honesty
During an approach women pay more attention to nonverbal cues men give than the words he says
Women can see through a man's bullshit if he's not being authentic
The needier a person is the less boundaries they have
The less needy a person is the more boundaries they have
If a girls tells you about her boyfriend right away it is a sign she likes him more than you
If a girl only mentions her boyfriend right before or after you hook up she likes you more than him
Dealing with rejections is part of being an authentic man
You can't control how people will react to you
Even men who are good with women come off creepy at times
If a woman likes a man enough she will find a way to make it happen (ie. Make herself available)
Most rejections have nothing to do with the person being rejected
Usually by the time a guy thinks he can kiss a woman, he could have kissed her 10 minutes earlier
Surprising Facts
Research shows that how much money a guy has matters the most to women who grew up in poverty