Title Meditations on Violence
Author Rory Miller
Year Published 2008
Kind of Book Survival
How strongly I recommend it 10/10
My Impressions It was refreshing hearing an experienced corrections officer bust some of the big myths about violence. Throughout the book he repeats over and over that in the REAL world there are no rules when it comes to violence and thus, most of the skills taught in martial arts classes and self-defense classes are not useful in real world scenarios. Miller offers many counter intuitive ways to avoid and deescalate violence situations.( I can vouge for at least one of them, I've it to deescalate a subway fight on more than one occasion.) The other aspect of the book contains Millers philosophical musings on violence as well as his explanation for the evolutionary roots of certain violent acts. Tons of great practical content in here!
Date Read June 2019
Practical Takeaways
Don't play fair when you’re a victim in real world violent crime (the enemy won't)
Never, ever, ever delegate responsibility for your own safety
Never, ever, ever, override your own experience and common sense on the say-so of some self appointed 'expert'
Never, ever, ever, ignore what your eyes see because it isn't what you imagined
Strive to know the difference between what your eyes are seeing and what your brain is adding
Challenge your fears and dislikes
Don’t base your assumptions of the world on bad or irrelevant sources
Examine your own epistemology
Look at your beliefs, and the source of those beliefs. Look very deeply at those sources that you accept without question.
Don't confuse opinions with facts
Don't ignore lessons from life. (They are a gift)
Do not let yourself be crippled by something that only exists in your mind
Don't assume that just because something makes perfect sense it is true
In situations of self defense: Use the minimum force necessary which you reasonably believe is necessary to safely resolve the situation. (to avoid being sued)
Be able to justify deadly force if you use it
Exhaust all available options to get out before you fight back
Be able to explain how you knew he was going to hurt you
Only use force if the person is an immediate threat (they must be able to reach you)
Never ask the question "why are they doing this?" In an ambush
Disrupt the threats pattern by doing something that doesn't compute (blow a kiss, drool)
Be able to act with partial information during an ambush
When your senses are overwhelmed and you are frozen, ATTACK! (eg. I'm frozen=hit the bastard)
If under attack and your survival is dependent on hiding, SCREAM!
(Big dog tactic for dealing with dominance challenge): Maintain extremely relaxed body language and treat the verbal challenges as serious, thoughtful questions.
Eg. If he says "What chu looking at?" say, "Just zoning out a minute. Worked a double yesterday. How are you doin?" w/ hands behind head
Act bored when a man is trying to monkey dance on you or on someone near you (eg. Doritos guy on the train)
Know that a female threats aim is to inflict damage rather than to Monkey Dance
Pretend to be crazy to ward off the risk of an attack (eg. Fake a Thorazine twitch and have a nonsensical conversation with yourself Jesus and Elvis)
Don't get in an argument with a woman after you cooled down and she is hitting her peak//Remember that men's adrenaline surges quickly and then dissipates fairly quicky and Women have a much slower build and longer cool down time
Train and get plenty of real world experience
Take a class you know nothing about
Introduce yourself to strangers
Go to restaurants and vacation spots you've never gone before
Whenever you find yourself saying "I'm the kind of person who would never do that" do that thing
If a sexual predator is acting inappropriately to you in public, make a scene (eg. Yell "Get your hands off me you filthy pervert")
Use smell to tell a drunk person from a really stupid one
DO NOT try to understand a chemically altered mind from the context of your normal one
Under no circumstances allow yourself to be taken to a secondary location by a predator
It's better to avoid than to run; better to run than to de-escalate; better to de-escalate than to fight; better to fight than to die
If you are taking damage, be moving, running, or fighting
If you are a hostage and you get an opportunity to leave, leave. Even if it means leaving your family behind. (You have a better chance freeing them if you are free)
Try to understand your capturer's point of view to understand how you might escape, but don't get caught up in sympathizing with him/her
Personalize yourself to your capturer. Make sure they know your name and face. Look for common areas of interest, but don't over do it or be phony
Do not allow yourself to be tied, handcuffed, or moved to a secondary crime scene
If they send you to get duct tape or a knife, even if they are holding a gun to your child's head, take the opportunity to leave
DO NOT LET YOUR IMAGINATION KILL YOU! If you are shot or stabbed, keep running! Don't curl up and die because that's what you've seen on TV
Run early and often. If you walk into your local Stop 'n' Rob convenience store and see a guy with a gun by the counter…that's all you need. Run. Even if he says, "Stop!" Even if he says, "I won't hurt you"
Identify good hiding places at your work place in the event there is ever a gunman
If you think you saw a dangerous animal, don't go investigate it. Get out of there.
Don't ask whether or not your martial art technique worked in class. Ask whether or not it would work if you are terrified and the person you were using it against was completely enraged, attacking in a frenzy and totally immune to pain
Use an open-handed strike (will do just as much damage to the other person with less damage to you)
Kick predators in the balls, kneecaps, bite, pull chair ie. Cheat
Reward your student whenever there is improvement, not when it is perfect
When you know or believe that the threat has decided to hurt you, attack. Ie. Be on the offensive
Action beats reaction
Act in a fight, don't react
Have only one go to tactic for self dense (not 8 options) less is more
Move on the motion you know is coming rather than wait for it to happen
When you know that something is going to go bad, move
Scream suddenly if you think you might be attacked
Pretend to be unaware of the monkey Dance challenge-
Don't be afraid to be rude (in cases of self defense)
Project confidence and self-value. Ie. Act like a very expensive victim who would make their attacker pay
Train yourself to see what a predator would see. Scan the crowd and think about who you would attack for money. Which people wouldn't you mess with?
Imitate how confident people act who you think would be unlikely to be attacked: stand tall, hold eye contact, dress well etc.
Have good confident upright posture
Don't walk down dark alleys alone
Avoid bad people and bad places
Notice places where you can be cut off, trapped, or surrounded. Identify exits
Develop a habit of planning for escape and evasion whenever you enter a new location
Notice the exits and where the exits leave wherever you go
"Do not hit at all if it can be avoided; but never hit softly"-Theodore Roosevelt
Never hit softly-Theodore Roosevelt
Develop a habit continuously striking. DON'T hit once or twice and then pause to gauge the effect
Attack hard. Attack ferociously
Hit hard, fast, and aggressively > hitting properly
Hit the places where it will have the most effect as hard as you can
Attack the knees, spine, throat, collarbone
Use anything as a weapon
If you have been sexually abused. Get counseling and seek out people who have been through similar things
Keep fighting through a broken nose
Beware of your capacity to kill (you might subconsciously not allow yourself to)
Commit to never make a half-assed decision again. Stay in bed or get up, but never again lay in bed thinking that you should get up
Do what needs to be done
Give yourself permission to be rude to a predator
Give yourself permission to defend yourself
Act when the scary man reaches for his belt, don't wait for him to draw his weapon
Give yourself permission to beat someone even if they are a black belt
Give yourself permission to be better than any instructor your ever had
Give yourself permission to win
Give yourself permission to be amazing
Give yourself permission to invent something better than anything anyone ever taught you
Give yourself permission to survive no matter what it takes
Don't agree to monkey dance invitation. Instead turn fights into talks
Love without expectation
Spend time with people you enjoy having in you world
Act in a way that you are proud to act, not to set an example or because you think you should
List the things worth fighting for to you
Tell yourself "I will always act if….
someone attempts to tie or handcuff me
someone threatens a child with a weapon
someone attempts rape
someone tries to move me to a secondary crime scene
a lone armed threat puts down his weapon and either the threat or the weapon is within arms reach
I see an exit and the threat is not focused on me
Some one is trying to kill me
Big Ideas
You don't get to pick what kind of bad things will happen to you
Change in painful
The (male) Monkey Dance is biologically designed to be nonlethal (only cosmetic)
The (male) Monkey Dance is about status
The (male) Monkey Dance is primarily performed by young men
Because
Older men typically have established their status already
Men remember the fights they back down from
Men often don't monkey dance against women, children, or crazy people because there is no status to be won and a lot to be lost by losing a fight
Men often subconsciously pick fights with men bigger than them (who would boost their status if they won)
The hardest part of Self defense is breaking out of the freeze response you will naturally go to
Martial artists rewrote the map of the word so that the techniques would work, rather than writing their techniques to match reality
Officers curl up and die when they get shot. Criminals run for hundreds more yards when they get shot, because officers "play by the rules" and criminals don't
Molesters can somehow tell when a child or person has already been a victims of Sexual Assault and pick them to prey on again
4 Types of criminals
People who made a mistake
Hustlers (low level street criminals, drug users, pushers, thieves, prostitutes, and robbers)
Predators. (people somewhere on the anti-social spectrum)
Mentally Ill or Drugs in System
Surprising Facts
One of the big mysteries of law enforcement: When criminals are shot several times, they usually get caught hundreds of yards away, climbing fences. When officers get shot, they curl up and die
//This is because officers "play by the rules" and criminals don't
Most people miss shooting their target most of the time, even at extremely close range
Violence in the past is the strongest indicator of violence in the future
Most of the head is more damaging to your hand than to the person you hit
Police officers are trained to shoot until the threat goes down
Judo pins opponents face up instead of face down because it makes for a more interesting fight. Police officers pin face down because it is safer and more effective
Men's adrenaline surges quickly and then dissipates fairly quickly and Women have a much slower build and longer cool down time
Unknown Terms
Hick's Law: The more options you have the longer it takes to choose one
The OODA loop:
O:observe what is happening
O: orient to the observations
D: decide what to do about it
A: act
The Monkey Dance: a mostly unconscious fighting ritual to establish social dominance or defend territory between two males. It is almost always non-lethal with the aim not to do lasting damage to the other. The steps may be cultural, but in America are
Eye contact, hard stare
Verbal challenge (eg. "what you lookin at?")
Close distance. Sometimes chest bumping
Finger poke or two-handed push to the chest
Right-handed roundhouse punch
Zanshin: The Japanese concept for 'cool' or a projected aura of competence
Predatory Violence: Violence with the goal beyond domination, unlike the Monkey Dance. It more closely mimics the violence between different species
The Golden Rule of Combat: Use your most powerful weapon, applied to your opponent's greatest vulnerability, at his time of maximum imbalance