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Title How to Win Friends and Influence People
Author Dale Carnegie
Kind of Book Communication/Self-Help
How strongly I recommend it 10/10
My Impressions A classic for a reason. Though some of the examples are dated, the principles in this book are timeless. A must read for anyone interested in influencing people and winning friends.
Practical Takeaways
Write the book you wish existed
After reading the book thoroughly, spend a few hours reviewing it every month.
Develop a deep, driving desire to master the principles of human relations.
Read each chapter twice before going on to the next one.
As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how you can apply each suggestion.
Underscore each important idea.
Apply these principles at every opportunity.
Use this volume as a working handbook to help you solve your daily problems. Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.
Check up each week on the progress you are making.
Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future.
Keep notes in the back of this book showing how and when you have applied these principles.
Wait a day before sending an angry letter or email-Abraham Lincoln
“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof, when your own doorstep is unclean.”-Confucius
Don't speak ill of anyone.-Ben Franklin
Speak all the good you know of everyone- Ben Franklin“I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “ ... and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. //sim to spinoza quote about undsrstanding
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Be hearty in you approbation and lavish in your praise.
Think of other peope's self-esteem as needing nourishing just like they need food and water //sim to filling love tank
Let people know you appreciate them
The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared
when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, mention it.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Think about what the other person wants rather than what you would want //gift giving //treat people differently //again he is hinting that human beings afre self interested //emailing Erin about drjm tapse
talk about what they want and show them how to get it
Frame the thing you want the other person to do in terms of what will benefit them, not what will benefit you
First, arouse in the other person an eager want
think of ways to make people want to do what you want them to do
Learn to see things from the other person's poing of view
(when you want something from someone) Don't bother telling the other person about your own troubles
let others take credit for your ideas
never step in front of an audience without first saying to yourself over and over: “I love my audience. I love my audience."-Howard Thurston
Learn your friends birthdays and tell them "happy birthday" on the date
Greet people with the same enthusiasm a dog would
When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to have the person call.
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile sincerely when you first meet/see fthe person
smile when talking on the phone. (your “smile” comes through in your voice.)
Have a good time meeting people
smile at people you meet on the street
Force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp.-Elbert Hubbard
Whenever you meet a new acquaintance, find out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions.-Jim Farley
make the effort to pronounce people's names correctly
If you don't hear the name distinctly, say, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, say, “How is it spelled?”
"To be interesting, be interested."
"Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering."
Encourage people to talk about themselves
Encourage people to talk about their accomplishments
Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.-Teddy Roosevelt
Talk about the things the other person is interested in (not what you are interested in) // on my podcast i try to suggest topics that my guest is super interested in and passionat about
Stop thinking only in terms of what you can get from people. Consider what you can give
Make others feel the way you want to fee
Let people around you know how they are superior to you in some way //i wish i had your...head of hair. "ive never met someone like you..." "there's something different about you...what is it?
Don't prove peope wrong (if you want them to like you)
Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding. Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Think of them as people who really want to help you, (Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.)
Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot-Alexander Pope
Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.-Lord Chesterfield
Judge people by the principles they set for themselves, not by yours (“I judge people by their own principles—not by my own.”)-Martin Luther King
Show respect for the other person’s opinions.
Never say "you're wrong"
If You’re Wrong, Admit It
Admit you were wrong and reprimand yourself before the other person has a chance to
Begin in a friendly way.
In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose. Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying “No.”
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
“If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”-La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher
only mention your achievements when people ask.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
think always in terms of the other person’s point of view
If you are satisfied with the results you are getting now, stay the same, if not, experiment
Start by assuming their motives are good
Dramatize your ideas. Use models, pictures, make them visual
Begin with praise and honest appreciation (before criticizing a person)
Change the word "but" to "and" when giving shit sandwich
Compliment what you want the person to do (even if they're not doing it) //to customer service i appreciate how patient and understanding you're being
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk About Your Own Mistakes First before criticizing
Let the other person save face
praise even the slightest improvement.
Make the praise spcific
Give problem students a good reputation to live up to (eg. You have to show the younger kids how to behave in school)
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Is significance that big for all people? Just idealists? Just Americans?
Big Ideas