Title How to be an Imperfectionist

Author Stephen Guise

Year Published 2015

Kind of Book Creative Process/Self-help

How strongly I recommend it 6/10 

My Impressions There was nothing revolutionary in this book, but nevertheless, it contained a lot of useful reminders for perfectionists on how to switch their thinking from "is it perfect?" to "is it good enough?"

Date Read Feb 2020

Practical Takeaways

  • Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection-Kim Collins

  • Thoroughly understand the problem before trying to fix it

  • Don't attempt to implement all the advice you receive at once

  • Stop taking pride in being a perfectionist

  • Stop looking for perfection (if you look for perfection you'll never be content)-Leo Tolstoy

  • Stop "protecting yourself" from failure

  • Strive for excellence, not perfection (Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing)-Harriet Braiker

  • Do something until it's right and then move on. Not until it's "perfect"-James Cameron

  • Strive for excellence and require excellence, not perfection-Oprah Winfrey

  • Begin where you are, not where you wish you were

  • Run up the score ie. Don't stop scoring points just because you're in the lead-Bill Belichick

  • Don't underestimate the power of a bad, anxious, or lazy mood

  • Have lower standards (a common misperception is that aiming for perfection gets you closer to it. The opposite is true)

  • Embrace imperfection

  • Don't try to appear flawless

  • Focus on effort not perfection

  • Care less about results. Care more about putting in the work

  • Care less about doing it right. Care more about doing it at all

  • Do it even if the conditions aren't perfect (writing, exercising etc.)

  • Focus on the process

  • Accept sunk costs

  • If a person turns you down for something ask why A: get feedback

  • Model for getting feedback

  • If you get an undesirable result at something that is chanced based. Try it over and over again until you have a large enough sample size to conclude that its you approach that is the problem. (eg. Try jokes on 5 different audiences before deciding if it’s a good joke, approach 5 different women the same way 5xs before deciding if it’s a good technique)

  • Set a procrastination timer. Do the thing you're putting off when the timer goes off (1minute)

  • Set a decision timer: set a timer at which you will make yourself come to a decision when it goes off. Give yourself enough time to deliberate over your options, but not too much time. Around 3-10minutes.

  • Exceed your pomodoro time if you are in the zone

  • Set your work timer by feel. (set it for more than 25mins if you feel you can do more and less etc.)

  • Work and play carousel: Work for an hour, relax for an hour, work for an hour, relax for an hour

  • Measure your productivity on how much work you got done, not how many hours you spend working

  • Accept the past as unchangeable

  • Stop seeking approval

  • Find something specifically you can be confident about right now and build from there

  • Don't ask for permission

  • Social Freedom exercises: sing in public, lie down in public for 30 seconds, walk in slow motion

  • See mistakes as life lessons that can only be learned the hard way-Al Franken

  • Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss

  • Accept yourself as imperfect

  • Define exactly what constitutes as "perfect"

  • Create binary tasks: Did you do it Y/N? not was it good or bad?

  • Focus on how much effort your kid puts into studying, not how good their grade is

  • Just show up to win

  • Make success easier than failure

  • Define success as progress

  • Let experience be your teacher

  • When you are nervous to do something: Write down detailed predictions of what you think will happen then go find out and write down what actually happened

  • Don't deliberate. Act and then adapt

  • Make faster decisions

  • Develop the habit of having a quick trigger finger (for making decisions)

  • The second you understand there is a bigger benefit and less downside to doing something, do it.

  • Do it the moment when you get the urge to do it, don't get a snack first, don't check facebook first

  • Focus on making good decisions, not perfect decisions

  • Consider the true risk and consequences of doing the wrong thing

  • If new information won't make your decision easier, make the decision right there

  • Rating system for decision making

  1. What is the worst thing that could happen (1 out of 10)

  2. What the best thing that could happen (1 out of 10)

  3. What is most likely to happen?

  • Dream big, aim small

  • Never use guilt as motivation

  • Create a daily reminder to yourself that you can't change the past

  • (after a break-up) if you're ruminating about a break-up, go out and meet new people

  • Word swap "problems" to "challenges"

  • Act confidently even if you don't feel confident A: think of it as practicing something you're unskilled at, not as being inauthentic. Is practicing piano when you're bad at it inauthentic?

  • Practice making fast decisions daily (in under 10seconds)

Big Ideas

  • The People who want approval the most get it the least

  • The people who need approval the least get it the most.

  • The people who judge you for what you say and feel don't matter

  • The people who matter won't judge you for what you say and feel

  • Good and done is better than perfect and unfinished

  • Failure usually feels better than not going for it

  • Perfectionists try to implement everything at once

  • Being discontent with your life makes you more apt to be perfectionistic

  • Perfectionism is rooted in fear of being seen/exposed as a fraud

  • Perfectionism Allows us to hold onto fantasies of how amazing we are

  • When we actually take action and bring things into the real world our ideals about how good we "could" be melt away

  • Perfectionists tend to be overdriven and paralyzed

  • We love consuming (reading/watching TV) etc. because it involves no risk

  • We often "don't try" or don't do our best so that if we fail we can hide behind the excuse that we weren't trying our best (self-handicapping)

  • when our expectations are met or exceeded we experience a positive emotion

  • When our expectations are not met we experience a negative emotion

Unknown Terms

Perfectionism: A disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable

Self-handicapping: 1) a cognitive strategy by which people avoid effort in the hopes of keeping potential failure from hurting self-esteem. 2. not doing your best so that you have an excuse when/if you fail (eg. Not dressing well, not 'trying' to win)