Games People Play — ZachStehura.com

Title Games People Play

Author Eric Berne

Year Published 1964

Kind of Book Psychology/Transactional Analysis

How strongly I recommend it 9/10

My Impressions This is one of my favorite books. The terminology is a bit antiquated and some of the examples are bit dated, but I love the ideas in this book. Berne seeks to explore the unconscious games people with one another, why they play them, and how to move past them to get to deeper levels of connecting such as intimacy.

Date Read circa 2013, Feb 2021, Feb 2022, July 2022

What question is the author trying to answer?

What goes on in a social interaction on a psychological level?
What games do people play in social interactions?
What is happening during these games?

Practical Takeaways

Think about what the person is trying to gain in the game they're playing, not what they're trying to avoid
Substitute the word "childish" for the word "childlike" (less negative connotations)
Give the appropriate amount of strokes when seeing someone one you know. Eg. Hi-HI How are you?-Good and you? =4 strokes
During greetings with others say 'hi' or 'how are you?' with enthusiasm or an intensity that conveys you really care

Big Ideas

Listen to my podcast on the ideas in this book here!

Unknown Terms

Social Intercourse: the TA term for communication between individuals

Stroking: a general term for intimate physical contact, which can also refer to emotional or verbal reassurance. 2) may be employed colloquially to denote any act implying recognition of another's presence. (Transactional Analysis)

Stimulus hunger: similar to the hunger for food this is the need for both psychical contact (stroking) as well as psychological stroking (compliments, validation) etc. (Transactional Analysis)

Recognition hunger: an individual's quest for recognition that leads him or her to seek it out either among strangers or an admired individual (Transactional Analysis)

Structure hunger: an individual's need for structure and structured time (Transactional Analysis)

Transaction: an exchange of strokes in an interaction between two people 1) a unit of social intercourse ie. One stimulus and response eg. "you shouldn't have said that" "I'm sorry" (Transactional Analysis)

Ego state: a system of feelings accompanied by a related set of behavior patterns. They are Child, Parental, and Adult 2) psychological realities that a person slips in and out of.

Structural Diagram: The picture of three circles stacked on top of one another depicting the entire personality (Parent, Adult, and Child)

Transactional Analysis: the process concerned with diagnosing which ego state implemented the transactional stimulus, and which executed the transactional response.

Complementary Transaction: When the transactional response matches the transactional stimulus For example: P1's Adult speaks to P2's Adult. P2 responds with Adult. Or P1's Child speaks to P2's Parent and P2's Parent responds to P1's Child

Formal Rituals: a stereotyped series of simple complementary transactions programmed by external social forces. Eg. Priest during Catholic mass 2)some ____have two phases. First a phase in which transactions are carried on under rigid Parental structures. Second, a phase of Parental license, in which the Child is allowed more or less complete transactional freedom, resulting in an orgy.

Procedure: a series of simple complementary Adult transactions directed toward the manipulation of reality. Eg. A surgeon removing cataracts or a psychotherapist doing analysis (as long as he remains in his Adult)

Pastimes: "semi ritualistic topical conversations" 2) "…a series of semi-ritualistic, simple, complementary transactions arranged around a single field of material, whose primary object is to structure an interval of time." 3) "Pastimes are typically played at social gatherings or during the waiting period before a formal group meeting begins…Pasttimes may take the form described as 'chit-chat; or they become more serious eg. Argumentative.' 4) They serve the function of structing time and providing one another with stroking. 5) They also act as a way to asses people to select if you want to form a deeper relationship with them (eg. Friends or partner or colleagues) and move into playing games

Games: sequences of social transactions which are based on more individual than social programming 2) an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Descriptively it is a recurring set of transactions, often repetitious, superficially plausible, with a concealed motivation; or, more colloquially, a series of moves with a snare, or 'gimmick'. 3) all games are dishonest, dramatic, and have a payoff, and involve more than 2 ego-states simultaneously.

Operation: "..a simple transaction or set of transactions undertaken for a specific, stated purpose. Eg. Someone frankly asking for reassurance and getting it //NVC advocates for this type of transaction

First-Degree Game: a game which is socially acceptable in the agent's circle

Second-Degree Game: a game from which no permanent, irremediable damage arises, but which the players would rather conceal from the public

Third-Degree Game: a game which ends in some kind of physical damage or death ie. In surgery, the courtroom, or the morgue.

Fourth-Degree Game: a game at the political level between two nation-states eg. war

Superficial relationships: a relationship confined to simple complementary transactions. "Such relationships occur in activities, rituals, and past times."

Ulterior Transactions: transactions which involve the activity of more than two ego states simultaneously. Ie. One transaction occurring at the social level and another occurring on the psychological level

Angular Transactions: A transaction which involves 3 ego states. Ie. One at the social level and one at the psychological level (often seen in sales)

P1: "This one is better, but you can't afford it."

P2: "That's the one I'll take."

Duplex Transaction: A transaction which involves four ego stats (often seen in flirtation games)

Child (ego state): 1) the ego-state responsible for charm, creativity, intuition, and spontaneous drive and enjoyment

Parent (ego state): 1) the ego-state which allows us to parent our children 2) uses heuristics to make automatic normative decision

Adult (ego state): 1) the ego-state that is necessary for survival (rational processes) 2) the ego-state which regulates the relationship between the Parent and Child

__(number)___ stroke exchange: a way of measuring how many "strokes" were given during a social transaction eg. "Hi" "Hi" is a 2 stroke exchange "Hi" "Hi" "How are you?" "Good and you?" is a 4 stroke exchange.

Role: "…something like what Jung calls persona, except that it is less opportunistic and more deeply rooted in the individual's fantasies." 2) Within an ego-state there are several different ___ eg. Tough Parent, Indignant Parent, Helpful Parent.

Practical game analysis: deals with special cases as they appear in specific situations. 2)The analysis that deal with a specific game at a specific space and time

Theoretical game analysis: attempts to abstract and generalize the characteristics of various games, so that they can be recognized independently of their momentary verbal content and their cultural matrix.

Thesis (game analysis): "This is a general description of the game, including the immediate sequence of events (the social level) and information about their psychological background, evolution and significance (the psychological level."

Antithesis: The response to the initiation game move that shuts down the game.

Aim(s): "…the general purpose of the game"