Title Focusing

Author Eugene T. Gendlin

Kind of Book Mental Health/Psychology

How strongly I recommend it 6/10 

My Impressions

I really like the idea of the book and think the practice of Focusing is incredibly important, however I found the writing infuriating. The book was not organized well or linearly and I found the author's jumping around to be maddening. To his credit, the focusing process sounds like it is ineffable, so I'm sure it is a difficult task to try to put the experience into words. All that aside, I think the exercise of Focusing still has the potential to be transformative, and that is mainly what I care about.

Practical Takeaways

• Try out a number of therapists (a few sessions at a time, not years!) in order to find real help

• "Focus" when you feel blocked

• Pursue the Focusing practice over a period of time (how long?)

• Optional: Have another person present while you focus. (A therapist or friend)

• Don't get discouraged if focusing doesn't give you a dramatic result the first time. Keep doing it

• Treat your own inside feeling person at least as well as you would someone else

• When awaiting for an answer to the questions, pass by the familiar answers that come up very fast

• Accept whatever feelings you have inside

• Make sure your inner attitude is one of asking, not telling

• When your mind wanders, gently put your arm around yourself and pull yourself back

• Bring your attention back as if you are gently dealing with a small child whose attention is wandering

• Do not respect your critic A: the critic is not your conscience

• Send the critic out in the hall to wait

• Tell your critic "Go away and come back when you have something new to say."

• Don't assume you know what your problem is. Don't say "It must be___"

• If someone is angry, ask "Are you hurt about something?"

• When you are angry ask yourself "Am I hurt about something?"

• Ask a suicidal person "Are you thinking of committing suicide at somebody? At whom?

• Fully hear the other person before trying to have them hear you (especially if they are upset about something) A: People can almost always hear you better if they are heard first…if the other person is full of unclear and upsetting feelings, you might not be heard unless you wait.

**try saying the questions out loud to yourself for added effect-Eugene Gendlin (Focusing)

Preparation

• Find a quiet place to sit

• Sit in a location that is slightly unfamiliar (not your office chair you always sit in, but rather somewhere like the edge of your bed)

• Make sure you are comfortable

1. Clearing a Space

• Ask yourself:

"How do I feel?"

"Why don't I feel wonderful right now?"

"What is bugging me right now?"    *experiment with many different phrasing of the question "what is wrong?" "what would it take for things to be right?"

• Stay quiet. Listen. Accept whatever comes up

• List the problems all of the problems that come up mentally (big, small, trivial)

*Don't get caught up in any one problem

• Remaining cheerfully detached from the problems (far enough that they don't overwhelm you, but close enough that you can still feel them)

• Mentally stack them in front of you

• Mentally Step back and survey them at a distance

• Keep stacking them until you hear a voice say "yes, aside for those I am fine"

1. Felt Sense of the Problem

• Ask yourself

"Which problem feels worst right now?"

"Which problem hurts the most?"

"Which problem feels the heaviest?"

• Stand back from the problem

• Ask yourself "What does this problem feel like?"

• Do not answer in words (or try to consciously THINK of an answer)

• Wait (30secs-4mins)

• Observe and listen for how the whole sense of the problem feels

• Once you have the feel of the whole problem, just stay with it for a while. Let it be.

1. Finding a Handle

• Ask yourself "What is the quality of the felt sense?"

• Look for a quality word, phrase, or image to appear (eg. Sticky, heavy, empty, have to perform, a picture of a heavy ball etc.)

• Let it label itself

• Keep focusing on your body

• You should feel a slight body shift when the label is right

*Sometimes you will have to pay attention to when a word is close but not it. Think hotter hotter hotter or colder colder colder

1. Resonating Handle and Felt Sense

• Take the handle that surfaced and check it against the felt sense

• Ask "Is that right?"

• Do not answer in words (or try to consciously THINK of an answer)

• Wait (30secs-4mins)

• Observe your body and look for a felt release if it is right (eg. Exhale, unclenching, untightening)

**If the word, phrase, or image isn't just right repeat step 4 until you find a handle that fits

• When you get a perfect match, let yourself feel that for a minute

1. Asking **skip this step & go to #6 if you have had a body release

• Spend a minute focusing on your unclear felt sense

• Ask yourself "What is it about my felt sense that makes me feel [HANDLE]?"

• Do not answer in words (or try to consciously THINK of an answer)

• Wait (30secs-4mins)

• Observe your body and look for a felt release if it is right (eg. Exhale, unclenching, untightening)

**If it still does not shift, wait longer or try these questions

"What is the worst of this?"

"What would it take for this to feel okay?"

6.Receiving

• Welcome whatever comes

• You do not need to agree with, or believe in the felt sense that came. Just receive it

• Sense in your body if it wants to do another session of Focusing

• Imagine doing another Focusing session and sense its reaction

• Imagine moving on with your day and sense its reaction

• Continue or stop depending on whatever feels best

**Focusing should take between a few minutes to 1/2hr at most

• Let your felt sense form and change

• Make sure the Focusing process feels good. If it doesn't, stop and back up just a little bit

• Push problems to one side temporarily, step back and look at them

• Go through each thing that feels bad and stash it in front of you

• Take things as they come up

• Make sure you feel good at the end A:You should feel better after you have a bodily shift. Nothing that feels bad is ever the last step

Belittling the problem

• Don't try to convince yourself that the problem doesn't exist or is too trivial to worry about

Lecturing yourself

• Don't Lecture yourself in a critical way for feeling the way you do. (eg. Saying things like "pull yourself together" "Act like an adult" "Toughen up")

Drowning in the feeling

• Don't wallow in an emotion you're feeling and agree with your negative self talk (eg. "I am pathetic" "I am stupid…its true"

Analyzing

• Don't analyze the situation

• If you do want to analyze the situation, make sure it is done in retrospect, after the shift

Helping someone else focus

• Stay out of the focuser's way

• Follow carefully what they are saying without putting anything of your own in

• Tell them when you don't follow what they're saying

• say back the other person's points, step by step, as you understood them

• Don't try to fix or change or improve how they feel

• Try to get them to articulate exactly what they mean and feel

• Don't say "I didn't understand any of it". Take what bits you did understand and say, I understood ____but didn't quite understand what you meant by___"

• Don't destroy the peace by speaking needlessly

• Resist the temptation to tell the focuser things, as though you know more about their problem than they do

• Keep them company while they talk through it

• Only use the phrases "Yes" "I see" "I didn't quite understand you, could you say that again?"

Big Ideas

• What the problem seems to be about changes throughout the focusing practice

• Crying is a signal that someone is letting out an emotion they have been holding in