Title Emotional Intelligence

Author Daniel Goleman

Year Published 1995

Kind of Book Psychology/Mental Health

How strongly I recommend it 5/10 

My Impressions

Daniel Goleman argues that fostering Emotional intelligence (or EQ)ought to be just as prevalent in our education curriculum as fostering IQ. Afterall The data show that having a high emotional intelligence is more important than having a high IQ in predicting one's financial success later and life. Not to mention, developing emotional intelligence can greatly benefit one's physical health, happiness and personal relationships. I was easily convinced of this argument. Perhaps my only complaint with the book is that a lot of the arguments seem obvious (though when it was written these ideas were probably much more radical.)

Date Read circa 2016

Practical Takeaways

  • (To lift your mood) execute a small task you have been putting off

  • (To lift your mood) positively reframe an experience (eg. After a car crash "At least no one died)

  • Have hope

  • Think positively

  • Be an optimist

  • Sharply focus your attention on the task at hand to enter a flow state

  • Get into a positive states of mind when trying to learn something new

  • Get students into a positive state of mind when trying to teach them something new

  • Have empathy for your partner when making love

  • Express your emotions (ie. don't bottle up emotions)

  • Stir up your audiences emotions

  • Maintain strong open communication in relationships

  • Don't show disgust for your partner in a relationship

  • Be able to calm yourself and your partner down during fights

  • Address problems in your marriage before they have the chance to grow

  • (Married couple) monitor your heart rates during an argument. If they are above normal take a 20minute break from one another (not just a 5minute break)

  • Catch negative thoughts and challenge them instead of simply being enraged and hurt by them

  • Let your partner know that you can see things from their perspective

  • Repeat what your partner said in your own words to make sure you are understanding each other

  • (When giving feedback) focus on specifics. (Eg. What the person did well and what they did poorly)

  • (When giving feedback) offer a solution. Don't just say what the problem is

  • (When giving feedback) focus on the incident, don't generalize to criticizing a personality flaw (eg. Say "You made me angry when you forgot about my birthday" not "you're such an absent minded person")

  • Work in teams

  • Don't isolate yourself (especially if you are a man)

  • Have people you can turn to and talk to when you're going through tough times

  • Don't ignore your feelings

  • Get better at naming emotions

  • Recognize the difference between feelings and actions

 

Big Ideas

  • Emotions are impulses to act

  • IQ is only loosely correlated with success

  • EQ is more strongly correlated with success

 

Surprising Facts

  • Isolated Men are two to three times more likely to die as are men with close social ties

  • Rage is addicting and shows up in the reward centers of the brain

  • Hope and optimism predict academic success

  • Emotions such as anger or anxiety have a larger predicter of ones health as smoking and eating unhealthy food.

  • The very root of the word emotion is motere, the Latin verb 'to move' plus the prefix 'e' to connote 'mo

  • "there is a slight correlation between IQ and some aspects of emotional intelligence

 

Unknown Terms

Emotional Intelligence (EQ): the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. The term first appeared in a 1964 paper by Michael Beldoch, and gained popularity in the 1995 through Daniel Goleman's best selling book Emotional Intelligence.

Interpersonal Intelligence: "the ability to understand other people: what motivates them, how they work, how to work cooperatively with them."Daniel Goleman 2."capacities to discern and respond appropriately to the moods, temperaments, motivations, and desires of other people" Howard Garnder

Self-efficacy: The belief that one has mastery over the events of one's life and can meet challenges as they come up. (similar to internal locus of control)

Mirroring: the behavior in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family.