Title Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Author Richard Carlson

Year Published 1997

Kind of Book Self-Help

How strongly I recommend it 7/10 

My Impressions A good bathroom book containing a lot of things we've heard a million times, but could use to hear a million more times.

Date Read October 2016

Practical Takeaways

  • Alter your life by altering your attitude-William James

  • Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

  • Let it go and get on with your day

  • Make peace with imperfection

  • Be content and grateful for what you have

  • Don't be overly attached to what's wrong in your life

  • Catch yourself when you fall into the habit of insisting that things should be other than they are

  • Eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life

  • Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be superachievers

  • Don't live life like it's just one giant emergency

  • Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking

  • Don’t allow your negative and insecure thinking to spiral out of control

  • Don't play out mental movies of the worst thing that might happen

  • Focus not on how overwhelmed you are, but how grateful you are

  • Don't obsess about your upcoming day

  • When you can't sleep because you're obsessing about something, write it down on a piece of paper and go back to sleep

  • Keep a pen and paper by your bed

  • Develop your compassion

  • Imagine what its like to be in someone else's predicament

  • Realize that other's problems, pains, and frustrations are every bit as real as our own

  • Donate a little money or time (or both) to an organization near your heart on a regular basis

  • Open your heart to others

  • Offer a beautiful smile and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street

  • Reflect on the miracle of life (to put things in perspective)

  • Remind yourself that when you die, your 'in basket' won't be empty

  • Remind yourself frequently that the point of life isn't to get it all done, but to enjoy each step  along the way…

  • Don't interrupt others or finish their sentences

  • Really listen to what the other person is saying

  • Allow the other person to finish speaking before you take your turn

  • Do something nice for someone else- and don't tell anyone about it

  • Give for the sake of giving, not to receive something in return

  • Let others have the glory (don't steal other people's thunder) eg. "oh I went backpacking once too"

  • Don't immediately bring the conversation back to you

  • Notice your tendency to say something about yourself in response when someone shares a story or an accomplishment. Instead of saying "Once I did the say thing" or "guess what I did today" say "That's wonderful" or "Please tell me more"

  • Learn to live in the present moment

  • Don't allow past problems and future concerns to dominate the present moment

  • Don't live as if life is a dress rehearsal for a later date

  • Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you

  • Imagine that everyone in your life is trying to teach you a lesson and try to determine what it is. Instead of thinking "Why are they doing this?" think "What are they trying to teach me?"

  • Let others be "right" most of the time

  • Decide to be happy not right

  • Don't always feel the need to correct others

  • Become more patient

  • Open your heart to the present moment, even if you don't like it

  • Create "patience practice periods" For five minutes decided not to be bothered by anything

  • Be the first one to act loving or reach out

  • Be the first to forgive or rekindle a friendship

  • Ask yourself the question "Will this matter a year from now?"

  • Surrender to the fact that life isn't fair

  • Nudge yourself out of self-pity and into helpful action

  • Allow yourself to be bored

  • Relax (even just for a few minutes)

  • Lower your tolerance to stress

  • Start noticing your stress early, before it gets out of hand. Back off and regain your bearings.

  • When you feel your schedule getting out of hand, step back and reevaluate what's important

  • When your feel out of control and resentful, take a few deep breaths and go for a walk

  • Once a week, write a heartfelt (thank you) letter to someone who has positively affected your life (coach, parent, historical figure) Express love and gratitude. Send it or don't send it

  • Spend a moment every day thinking of someone to thank. (preferably first thing in the morning)

  • Start your day thinking of someone to thank

  • Imagine yourself at your own funeral

  • Repeat to yourself "Life isn't an emergency"

  • Experiment with your back burner ie. allow your mind to solve a problem while you are busy doing something else, here in the present moment//diffuse mode

  • When you can't remember something or someone's name imagine a little elf is going in the library of your mind to look for it and then stop consciously thinking about it knowing he is looking-Christopher Ryan

  • Smile at strangers, look into their eyes, and say hello

  • Make eye contact with strangers

  • Set aside quiet time, every day (10mins of meditation, or yoga, or writing)

  • On your way home from your office find a nice place to pull the car over and spend a minute or two looking at the view or closing your eyes and breathing and feeling centered and grateful

  • Imagine people in your life as tiny infants and as one-hundred-year-old adults

  • Imagine your enemies as tiny infants and as one-hundred-year-olds about to die

  • Seek first to understand-Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

  • Become a better listener

  • Listen to the entire thought of someone instead of waiting for your chance to respond

  • Choose your battles wisely

  • Choose between making a big deal about something or simply letting it go

  • Become aware of your moods and don't allow yourself to be fooled by the low ones

  • When you're in a ill mood, learn to pass it off as simply that: an unavoidable human condition that will pass with time, if you leave it alone

  • Don't analyze your life when you're in a low mood

  • Be grateful in good moods and graceful in low moods

  • When you're in a low mood remind yourself "this too shall pass"

  • Accept that you won't win the approval of everyone you meet

  • Practice random acts of kindness

  • Pay the toll for the car behind you

  • Give others the benefit of the doubt

  • Recognize that many times others behavior has nothing to do with you

  • Choose to be kind over being right

  • Tell Three people (Today) How much you love them

  • Call just to say "I love you"

  • Practice Humility

  • When in doubt about whose turn it is to take out the trash, go ahead and take it out

  • Don't forget all of the things your partner or housemates do on a daily basis (take out the trash etc.)

  • Focus on what you like in the relationships in your life not on what you don't like

  • Spend a moment, every day, thinking of someone to love

  • Take deep breath in the morning and ask yourself "who should I send love to today?"

  • Become curious about why someone acted the way they did, not angry/annoyed//"I have striven not to laugh at human actions, not to weep at them, not to hate them, but to understand them."-Baruch Spinoza  Tractatus Politicus 1676

  • Respect and appreciate the fact that we're all different

  • Every day, tell at least one person something you like, admire, or appreciate about them

  • Beware of setting limitations or self-limiting beliefs for yourself

  • Look for the beauty in everything

  • Resist the urge to criticize

  • Write down your five most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them

  • Try agreeing with criticism directed toward you, then watch it go away

  • Search for the grain of truth in other opinions (or others criticisms/bullying)

  • See the glass as already being broken ie: Instead of becoming immobilized when something is destroyed, feel grateful for the time you had

  • Don't try to run away from yourself (vacation, relationship, buying things)

  • Focus on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be

  • Pause and Breathe after the person whom you are speaking with finishes speaking before you speak

  • Don't just wait for your turn to talk in a conversation

  • Be grateful when you're feeling good and graceful when you're feeling bad

  • Don't take your low moods too seriously and overanalyze what's wrong //Ray Dalio would say write down how you feel and then analyze it later when you are in a calm unemotional state

  • When you are feeling bad, don't fight it, relax and know that it will pass

  • Become a less aggressive driver

  • Don't even try to write if you're feeling uptight

  • Adopt a child who you sponsor in a third world country

  • Read articles and books with entirely different points of view from your own

  • Do one thing at a time

  • Block out periods of time where you commit to doing only one thing at a time (doing the dishes, playing with your kids, reading a magazine)

  • When you feel yourself getting angry, take a long deep inhalation, as you do, say "1". Relax your entire body as you breathe out. Repeat the same process up to 10 or until you feel the anger subsiding

  • Exercise when you feel stressed or frustrated

  • Be flexible with changes in your plans

  • Think of what you have instead of what you want

  • Practice don't take your negative thoughts so seriously

  • View your thoughts as thoughts, not as you

  • Be willing to learn from friends and family (the people closest to you)

  • Ask people advice on what they are qualified to answer (eg. Asking Dad for legal/financial advice)

  • Be happy where you are

  • Don't postpone your happiness until ___ happens

  • Remember that you become what you practice most

  • Quiet the mind

  • Take up yoga

  • Make service an integral part of your life

  • Do a favor and don't ask for, or expect, one in return

  • Ask yourself what valuable lesson(s) your problem might teach you

  • Get comfortable not knowing

  • Don't think that you know what is good

  • Acknowledge the totality of your being

  • Cut yourself some slack

  • Give yourself a break

  • Don't become frustrated with little setbacks

  • Stop blaming others

  • Be responsible for your own actions, problems, and happiness

  • Give yourself enough time to not feel rushed in the morning

  • Do little things with great love-Mother Teresa

  • Lighten up

  • Approach a single day without expectations

  • Nurture a plant. Practice taking care of and loving the plant as if it were your baby. Tell it that you love it. Give it unconditional love, whether or not it lives or dies

  • When you're in an argument first try to understand the other point of view

  • Don't pretend that your negative feelings don't exist, but don't take it too seriously

  • Don't make other people's problems your problems

  • Don't feel like you have to get involved in other people's drama

  • Make yourself a source of love rather than just trying to gather love

  • If you want love, give love

  • Give up on the idea that "more is better"

  • Consciously decide to want less

  • Keep asking yourself "What's really important?"

  • Trust your intuitive heart

  • Accept the moment for what it is

  • Know when to help people and when to leave it alone

  • Don't eavesdrop

  • Don't gossip

  • Don't talk behind other people's backs

  • Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary

  • Schedule time for your inner work

  • Pay yourself first when it comes to scheduling time for yourself

  • Live each day as if it were your last

  • Treasure yourself

 

Big Ideas

  • We often think that life will begin after we get through an obstacle in front of us

But

  • The obstacles in front of us are our life

 

  • We believe that once we get through our to-do list we will be calm, relaxed, and happy

But

  • By the time we get through our to-do list new things appear that we need to do

 

  • When you die there will be unchecked things on your 'to-do' list