Title Brain Droppings

Author George Carlin

Year Published 1997

Kind of Book Humor/Essays

How strongly I recommend it 10/10 

My Impressions

Though late Carlin can be extremely bitter and cynical at times—like an old man shaking his cane at the neighborhood kids—he has such a unique outlook on the world that it is impossible not to walk away thinking about things in a new way. (and you will laugh while you're doing it)

Date Read January 2022

Practical Takeaways

  • Don't say 'arguably…or you could argue that…' when writing or speaking. Take a stand on it!

  • Say 'You're welcome' not 'no problem'

  • Don't say 'Tell me about it.'

  • Don't say 'I hear ya'

  • Use fewer labels when talking about people

  • Don't use the term 'Native American'

  • Call Indians by their tribes name (eg. Adirondack, Delaware, Potomac etc.)

  • After you reach 40 stop referring to the person you're fucking as your 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend'

Big Ideas

  • Most comedians who talk about social issues think things are capable of improving and want to make a change

  • Ever since the high priests and traders took over there has been no hope for humanity to turn things around

  • If you are emotionally unattached to the fact that the world is going to hell, it is very amusing (and funny) to watch

  • If you believe that there's a solution to fixing the world then you're part of the problem

  • The real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.

  • Unless you pee no your hands there is no reason to wash your hands after you use the restroom

  • California is a small woman saying, 'fuck me.'

  •  New York is a large man saying, 'Fuck you!'

  • Most of the people who say bad things about New York have never been

  • America is all about people trying to collect more stuff

  • A person's house is just a place to keep your stuff

  • We call other people's stuff 'shit'

  • We call our shit 'stuff'

  • Violent TV and Movies are not the cause of violence in America

  • Americans have been violent since its conception (eg. Slavery, killing Indians, civil war etc.)

  • Religion and Government contribute to violence by trying to regulate and repress sex and self-gratification

  • Only watch your sports teams when they're doing well

  • Watching sports should be pleasurable not depressing

  • Society requires heterosexual men to constantly be proving that they are not gay

  • This causes straight men to commit violence against gay men

  • Oftentimes people who are repressed homosexuals (due to shame) are violent towards other gay people

Because

  • They want "kill" the queer inside of themselves by harming queer people outside

  • Athletes are required to dress alike, all have the same haircut, and not have facial hair in order to reduce their individuality (ie. see themselves as a part of the team, not as an individual)

  • Men in the military are required to dress alike, all have the same haircut, and not have facial hair in order to reduce their individuality (ie. see themselves as a part of the team, not as an individual)

  • The idea that man-made things are "unnatural" is a fallacy

  • Everything that can be made out of natural materials is also natural (eg. Polyester, plastic etc.)

  • People are able to treat lobsters cruelly because they are hideous and scary-looking

  • If Lobsters looked like puppies people couldn't drop them in boiling water

  • A lot of these people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt

  • You never see a smiling runner

  • You rarely meet a wino with perfect pitch

  • The people who run things don't want you dwelling too much on the present

  • The large companies that run the world control and monitor the news

  • If there is a news story that harms the image of a large corporation, they will make sure that it is slanted or barely followed up

  • We shouldn't change the meaning of a word because the majority of people misuse it

Because

  • We shouldn't adopt stupid people's standards

  • Rationalization is a term for the concept of "sour grapes" (from Aesop's Fable)

  • The expression 'in the wrong place at the wrong time' should be 'in the wrong place at the right time'

  • It's not true that 'you never know', sometimes you know

  • It's not true that 'you get what you pay for' . you get the best deal the seller was willing to give you

  • It's not true that 'if you've seen one, you've seen them all'

  • If you've seen one, you've seen one.

  • If you've seen them all, you've seen them all

  • It's not true that 'what you don't know won't hurt you'

  • JFK and Lincoln were both killed by a threat they didn't know about

  • The intention behind political correctness in America is good

But

  • Political correctness has become distorted to the point where it is not useful

  • If we call black people 'people of color' then that implies that white people are 'people of no color' and that is ridiculous

  • African-American is not a good name for black people because a racist white person from South-Africa could call himself African-American

  • Labels divide people

  • There is no such thing as a 'Native' people (unless they are living in the Great Rift valley in Africa where the human species arose)

  • All people are refugees, immigrants, or aliens to the land they're currently on

  • So-called 'Native' Americans came to America from Asia over the Bering land bridge

  • It is degrading to give Indians the name native Americans

Because

  • Americans conquered and slaughtered their people

  • Naming a group of people after the group that conquered them is degrading

  • Most Indians are insulted by the term 'Native American'

  • Most Indians prefer to be called by their tribes name (eg. Adirondack, Delaware, Potomac etc.)

  • The new media feeds of news about other sick, injured, and dead people to keep us distracted from how fucked up our own life is

  • The media only refers to something as a 'tragedy' when it is a white person getting killed (not a black person)

  • A lot of middle class people feel their lives are dull and meaningless today because theirs souls are being stolen from working for corporations

  • The media doesn't mention that

  • Corporations make marketing decisions by weighing the cost of being sued for your death against the cost of making the product safer

  • Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple

  • Having 'rules of war' (like treating the opponents wounded or not using certain types of weapons) is a way for us to act heinously uncivilized (ie. Engaging in war) while at the same time convincing ourselves that we are civilized

  • Humans are very entertaining

Because

  • Humans are a dear, hateful, sweet, barbaric, tender, vile, intelligent, confused, virtuous, evil, thoughtful, perverted, generous, and greedy species

  • If reincarnation exists, then how is the population growing? Wouldn't there have to be the same number of people as souls at all times?

  • If horoscopes were super specific then they would be respectable

However

  • Horoscopes are so vague that they are unfalsifiable

  • People often admit that they have bad handwriting

  • People often admit that they are bad at math

  • People often admit to being awkward

But

  • No one ever thinks of themselves as having a poor sense of humor

  • No one ever thinks of themselves as a bad driver

  • "Cheap" unhealthy food is actually very expensive when you factor in all the doctors bills that will come as a result of eating that food

  • Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not  to quit

  • Many men get married because they want steady pussy

  • Jerusalem is called the Holy Land, but it is the place where there is some of the deepest hatred in the world

  • If we could read each other's minds there would be WAY more violence

  • If we could read each other's minds there would be crying and hurt feelings all the time

  • The US Government puts suicide watch on death row prisoners because they don't want wrongdoers to "get off easy" or because THEY want to enjoy the act of killing a wrongdoer

  • Young people are risk-taking

Because

  • Young people don't know anything, but they don't know that they don't know anything

  • In your 20's and 30's you are less risk-taking

Because

  • In your 20's and 30's you don't know anything and you start to know that you don't know anything

  • In your 40s you are less risk-taking

Because

  • In your 40s you start to know some stuff, but you don’t know that you know it

  • In your 50s you can start having fun

Because

  • In your 50s you know some stuff and you know that you know some stuff

 

Surprising Facts

  • The Black Hills where Mount Rushmore is is on sacred Indian ground

  • A light-year is a measure of distance, not time

  • An acronym is not just any set of initials. It applies only to those that are pronounced as words eg. Scubba

  • The word Indian does not derive from Columbus mistakenly believing he had reached India. India wasn't even called India in 1492. It was called Hindustan

  • The term 'Native American' was invented by the U.S. government Department of the Interior in 1970

 

Unknown Terms

Little World (comedy content): comedy content which focuses on those things we all experience every day eg. Driving, food, pets, relationships, and idle thoughts.

Big World (comedy content): comedy content which focuses on big important issues eg. War, politics, race, death, and religion

Celibate: means not being married (not not having sex) *refraining from sex is called chastity or sexual abstinence

Momentarily: for a moment

Presently: in a moment

Acronym: is not just any set of initials. It applies only to those that are pronounced as words eg. Scubba

Tragedy: a literary work in which the main character comes to ruin as a consequence of a moral weakness or a fatal flaw

Classroom Liberal: a person who is from a middle to upperclass background who attends a liberal college and adopts a progressive attitude

Favorite One-Liners

"If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?"

 

"Imagine how thick Japanese people's photo albums must be."

 

"Being Irish, I guess I should resent the Notre Dame nickname, 'The Fighting Irish.' After all, how long do you think nicknames like 'The Bargaining Jews' or 'The Murdering Italians' would last?"

 

"The truth is, Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring his bell just before the dog salivated." pg.187

 

"I only respect horoscopes that are specific: 'Today, Neil Perleman, wearing tight-fitting wool knickers, will kill you on the crosstown bus." pg.186

 

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not  to quit."

 

"The best example of a housekeeper is a divorced woman."